Reply to Is it OK to tell DD that it is OK not to be pretty?

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Reply to "Is it OK to tell DD that it is OK not to be pretty?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]....anyone can find the right clothes, hair, makeup, poise, etc.  but even for beautiful celebrities that stuff can take an awful lot of time.  I hope you invest the short time you have to live your life in things that really bring you joy.[/quote]

I'm a man, and I have sons, so I can't give you specific advice based on experience, but I think the above is really smart.

This is based on the fact that for most of my life, I've been told that I was handsome.  I don't have a lot of self confidence, so I never really believed it.  I realize now, though, that I was tall and fit, and for my work I had to dress pretty nicely, and that's probably what they meant.  For a couple of years I went through a period of being out of shape and caring less about my clothes, and I recently realized that I had become kind of invisible to most people.  Now I'm spending a lot of time in the gym and paying more attention to my clothes and hair, and I really notice that people are much friendlier.

So I think anyone can put in the time and effort to learn how to be attractive, and I think many people that the media presents as super attractive would be unrecognizable without the clothes and makeup.  I would not tell your daughter that she's not pretty, but rather that it's a question of how much time she wants to invest in her appearance, and is that a priority for her?  I might talk with her about how she wants to invest her time in order to be happy and healthy, and likely spending tons of time on fashion and makeup are not good investments if she's not really into them.  However, being fit, active and confident are good for physical and mental health (so intrinsically rewarding), and they have a side benefit of being things that people find attractive.

Also, some parents seem much better than others at helping their kids find becoming clothes, hairstyles, glasses, etc.  I have a sister who was really unattractive as young teen because my mom basically dressed her like the church lady from SNL.  When she got old enough to pick her own clothes and hairstyle, suddenly she was much better looking.  If this is not a strong suit for you, OP (it's certainly not for me), maybe you could get some advice from a kind friend who is more into this stuff.  Not that your daughter would ever know, but you could just suggest more becoming stuff next time you shop.

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NP here. There’s a lot of great points in this post. Thanks for sharing your perspective! Interesting to hear men also get the „invisible“ treatment when they slip on the atteactiveness scale. [/quote]

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