Reply to Is it OK to tell DD that it is OK not to be pretty?

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[quote=Anonymous]https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jun/25/four-reasons-not-to-tell-your-daughter-shes-pretty
"You’re so pretty!” All parents of daughters make such throwaway comments at some point. It seems innocent enough but statements like this can have a devastating effect on a girl in the long run. But why?
It may seem obvious, but is easily forgotten, that teaching girls that appearance is the first thing we notice about them gives them the powerful message that looks are their most important quality. We don’t feel the need to tell our sons how handsome they are or how much we like their clothes, yet the unconscious biases we carry around means that we say things to daughters that we wouldn’t dream of saying to sons."

Versus
http://time.com/collection-post/4105611/parenting-compliments/
In this heyday of helicopter parenting, the way parents compliment their kids is under attack. We’re not supposed to praise their intelligence: “When we praise kids for being smart, those kids think: Oh good, I’m smart,“ writes James Hamblin at the Atlantic. “And then later, when those kids mess up, which they will, they think: Oh no, I’m not smart after all.” Nor are we supposed to acknowledge their looks: “Knowing what we do now about young girls and self-esteem — that body image issues start as early as preschool, that girls who feel good about themselves are more likely to wait longer to experiment with sex and alcohol — compliments become more problematic,” writes Sarah Powers at the Washington Post.

Can’t we say anything anymore?
Millennial parents (I am one) sometimes fancy themselves mad scientists engineering Franken-babies: Never call them smart so they’ll be deeply analytic problem-solvers; never call them beautiful so the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show won’t one day make them feel terrible about themselves. While you’re at it, fill them exclusively with breast milk so they’ll crush the SATs; feed them organic veggies only so they’ll never, ever contract coxsackie from the playground.

Overthinking, overparenting, overdoing it has become the new normal, with little gray area. No cupcakes—they’re unhealthy and potentially deadly for those with allergies. (In the 80’s, allergies were announced and accommodated, and somehow cupcakes persisted). No Barbies—they’re bad for body image. No pink—it encourages gender stereotypes. And no Disney princesses, God no—they’re obviously anti-feminist.

....
Being called beautiful is one of many compliments that seems to register as love to her. To suggest to toddlers and children that it’s loaded with potentially damaging societal subtext, could tarnish their budding body image and potentially lead to eating disorders in adolescence (especially if it’s doled out in moderation) feels like projection to me."[/quote]

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