Reply to DW can't manage or handle her aging dad.

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Reply to "DW can't manage or handle her aging dad."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So you are close to the edge because? Is it her confiding in you how difficult her dad is? Is she absent from house, you, your family all the time? I agree that she should not engage so much with her dad and find different options that will lessen her burden of taking him everywhere and dealing with him, but why are you on the edge? Why is it so hard to be a shoulder for her to cry on? It certainly makes me think you are just as selfish as her dad and wish she was there for you as she is there for him. Jealousy rather than concern. If you are at work while she is doing all this care for him, why does it matter? One day, maybe she will take care of you, and it doesn't sound like you will be easy elderly person, so maybe start seeing that we all end up old and have health issues.[/quote]

She is absent from home frequently after work and during weekends. She also works full time.
At points she was spending her lunch break leaving work and going to his place.[/quote]

OK, so she is actually managing and doing everything for her dad. Not as you wrote "can't manage," you want her to establish boundaries and she is putting him first, above you, kids? do you have kids?, and even work? Did you post just how sick and how much care does her dad needs right now? When did MIL pass away? If he is not sick that much, then one option might be that on the weekends she brings him to visit at your home, and you can help. Are you underestimating just how much care your FIL needs? Your wife sounds like a nurturer and the fact that she did the same with her grandparents makes it her decision to act this way. On the other hand, ask yourself how often do you say no to your parents and how capable are you of refusing to help your parents, even if it is not an emergency? I bet your all of us here on DCUM are not very good at saying no to our parents. Posts about boundaries are what is keeping this forum alive.  Ask yourself honestly why do you resent her and FIL so much? Is it that you are really worried about her, miss her, or are you missing her doing all the chores at home and nurturing you? And if you have kids, then you are now doing a lot more than before? Yes, she should find a healthy division between nuclear family and her dad's needs, but how do you suggest she does that? How would you handle it if your mom kept calling you and asking you to come and she is in a home and ageing and has some health issues? If your FIL is in pretty good health and just being a user, then my post is useless and disregard.[/quote]

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