Reply to Losing a spouse vs. Losing a parent or child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a widow. I was devastated for several years, but I eventually recovered.

The people I know who have lost a child have never fully recovered from that loss. They have learned to live with it.[/quote]
I think there's some truth to this. My uncle died before either of my grandparents...and only a few years before he would have become a father-in-law and then a grandparent himself.

My aunt will never remarry, but she seems to have found a peace within herself. I think because losing a spouse feels primarily like something that happens *to* you. My grandparents never recovered from the loss of their adult child. Until her death, she couldn't think of my uncle without tearing up. I think because she felt the loss not just as something bad that happened to her, but as a sort of cosmic injustice that he should be taken early and before his time.

Interestingly, my aunt lost her father young and her sister's husband died unexpectedly just a few months after my uncle. I think she is very sanguine about the loss of her father, as are my cousins. They are able to talk about him and his death in a way my grandparents were never able to do.[/quote]

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