Reply to Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?

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Reply to "Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]... Also, in my scenario, the paralegal did not say “not interested”, but rather said sounds like fun, not now, maybe some other time. Is your answer still so clear? [/quote]
I think what you are missing is that you want to believe a man who repeatedly asks a woman out who has declined several times in a polite way is actually engaging in courtship.  This man is operating under a faulty "'no' might mean 'yes'" theory of courtship.  No means no.  Everywhere.  At work.  Out of work.  On a date. With someone you hope to date.

The only appropriate response to the, "sounds like fun but I'm busy" form of "no" is "oh that's too bad, another time then maybe," said with a smile and a swift exit.   Then never raise the issue again.  The ball is in her court.  If she is interested, she will ask you.  Give us our agency.  We are not voiceless people who have to be asked and re-asked until you magically catch us on our free night and we have to say yes to you.  If we're interested, we'll be in touch.[/quote]

Your post strikes a chord with me because I was just thinking this morning about how lucky I am to have ended up married to my wife.  I had to ask her out 3 times before we actually went out on our first date.  The first time, she gave me a "sure sounds great, maybe some other time" response, and the second time she said yes but then canceled a couple days later.  After the send failed attempt, I assumed she was telling me no.  But both male and female friends encouraged me to try again.  To this day, I joke that she was trying to give me the brush off, and she insists she had legitimate conflicts.

Do you think I was harassing my wife?  Should I have waited for her to ask me out on a date?  Is my whole marriage a sham of the patriarchy?

I think you have an unrealistic view of how people communicate.  You seem to believe that either (1) women are always crystal clear in understanding male intentions and in the messages they are sending, or (2) men are always crystal clear in understanding female intentions and in the messages they are hearing.  I think most people are very poor at understanding each other and at making themselves understood.

If you really don't want to be asked out, then why wouldn't you say "No, I'm not interested in anything romantic with you"?  No absolutely means no, but "sure sounds like fun, maybe some other time" doesn't always mean no.[/quote]

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