Reply to Love of my life is a functioning alcoholic

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I'm gutted. It sounds like an unequivocally bad idea to marry him. [/quote]

Why are you gutted? Everything that is said here you knew already. He does not fit your idea of marriage.[/quote]

Not OP, but you can love imperfect people and know that the imperfection is a huge problem and still not hate them. You must not have ever really loved someone to think it just turns off like that. [/quote]

I am referring to profound conversations on DCUM as the reason for the feeling. It has nothing to do with love or imperfections or hate. 
Everyone around me drinks equivalent of a bottle of wine a night. Surgeons, lawyers, professors, prosecutors, graphic designers, analysts, managers, chefs, programmers, etc. I admit,  it's a self selected group as we all drink and like to drink, ideological non-drinkers don't fit in well (some want but can't drink, they fit in). OP is clearly not on board with that, otherwise there will be no post.[/quote]

You may not be ready to admit it now, but the equivalent of a bottle of wine every single night is problematic drinking. Continuing that path for the next 30 - 40 years will likely not turn out well. I would seriously reconsider  your lifestyle.[/quote]
Thank you, mom, but look around and see who is dead and who is not. The longest living relative in the family was the 98 year old alcoholic great grandfather who haven't even required assisted living or much help. We called it proactive chemotherapy. [/quote]

Troll[/quote]

My uncle was a functional alcoholic. He got liver cancer in his late 50s. It metastasized to his brain. Not a good way to die![/quote]

We can a lot of those stories about drinker and non-drinkers. It is about a person. If it's a good responsible person with the qualities I want in my husband then it absolutely doesn't matter to me. [b]I don't buy the stories about personality changes as all the people who I met in my life show their true colors pretty quickly (maybe I bring them out). You don't become dishonest or irresponsible or violent, it's in you already[/b].[/quote]

What??? This sounds so uninformed. I guess what you're saying is that there is never a[b] gradual slide[/b] into poor behavior or for that matter good behavior. We are who we are and there's no changing that. A person who appears to be completely honest at 22 will continue to be completely honest at 32, 42, 52...

And you're also saying that each of us is able to understand and "see" a person's personality in the same way from the start. You're saying that "pretty quickly" you're able to discern a person's "true colors." Well A+ for you. I guess you'll never need to grow or deepen your ability to understand people or see them in a different light. You don't need to mature because you're completed evolved as a person and have been. 
 :roll: [/quote]

You said it yourself: gradual slide. One observed action is all what it takes for me. It can be as simple as not telling the waiter they forgot to charge you or missing the trashcan and not picking it up or making a public grand gesture or going into an emotional debate (not logical calm debate).
I don't forgive, I cut ties, there are no second chances. I don't tolerate any drama in my life. It is very simple when you surround yourself with similar people.
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