Reply to Requests from a Sibing who is there for Elderly Parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What if you choose a particular way, that is hard, but it's the way that is acceptable to you, but not to me. For example, a parent is refusing to accept hired help and you do it yourself. You talk to me about it. I don't offer physical help, only financial. You keep talking about how hard it is. I understand that you need to vent. I hope you don't expect that I will actually help physically. [/quote]

Just WOW!  Can you see that the PARENT needs help here not the sibling? I don't get the impression that the sibling is looking for someone to bathe mom, but she would LOVE you to visit regularly (not once a year), cook a meal, attend a doctor's appointment, run some errands, sit down and spend time with YOUR parent.[/quote]

As a local sibling, I'm the one who handles Dr. appointments, grocery shopping, banking, making sure parent is well taken care of in assisted living, etc. Sibling visits every 6 months or so and it's infuriating that they can't be bothered to visit more often. Sibling is only a couple hours away by car. No children.[/quote]

[b]Your parent is in assisted living.  Does their community offer transport to doctors appts and prepared meals?  If you went away for a week or two wouldn't your parent still be cared for?

As far as banking goes, do you use automated bill pay and direct deposit for fixed expenses and income[/b].[/quote]

This response burns me up. PP is most likely the type that the OP is referring to. These types think there is an answer for everything so the one in the trenches doing the heavy lifting is obviously making it hard on themselves, naturally? Has it ever occurred to types like the PP that even if the community offers transport to doctors appointments someone has to arrange for such a thing. Plus, who will sit in with the elderly parent during the drs. appt. because a community transport worker will not so elderly mom or dad will have to process all the medical information coming their way on their own. At a minimum that is not ideal, but can actually prove dangerous. For the siblings that live far away and are unable to help the local sib just show your appreciation. It really is that simple. Offering "helpful" answers from afar is offensive.[/quote]

Those transportation services only work if the individual is reasonably healthy.  My MIL has dementia and I called a bunch and they said no.  So, we have to drive 40 minutes to get MIL, it takes about 30 minutes to get her out the door, then drive to the doctor, appointment, drive her back, then drive home.  Its a good 1/2 day activity if not all day.[/quote]

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