Reply to Girlfriend is demanding that we get married and have a baby ASAP

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Did she demand YOU marry her or did she just give you the "shit or get off the pot" talk?  [/quote]

+1. At your age you should know what you want. Move forward or let her go. [/quote]

It would've been different if she told me she wanted this in the beginning. We were first started dating she said she didn't want to remarry or have anymore kids and was interested in having fun.[/quote]

I think it sounds like she changed her mind and got optimistic about the future. She was allowed to have fun, as you were. But a year later, things are different. It is also okay if you don't want that.[/quote]

Different PP.  I disagree.  If she changed her mind, she would just say that.  But she's framing it as a "now or never" demand.  I think she played him.  She saw a grieving widower who is good marriage material.  He expressed that he just wanted something casual.  So she played the long game, going along with the "just fun" attitude until she got him emotionally entangled.  Now she's (as another PP says) taking a gamble and banking on the combination of his remaining grief, desire not to be alone, and emotions for her, that he'll go along even though it sounds like he indicated in the beginning he didn't want those things.

Something is not right.  It sounds like OP's gut feeling is he doesn't want this and it wouldn't be good for his daughter.  He should go with his gut.

[/quote]

If the GF is such a savvy operator surely she would figure out she needed to say "I changed my mind".[/quote]

Actually, not necessarily.  This way, she's implying that he has to make a decision, that he's been with her this long, it's time for him to decide.  If she admitted to changing her mind, then that means she's the one whose changed, and he doesn't owe her anything.  But this way, she's framing it as he's taken a year of her time, she wants a baby, he needs to decide.

I've seen this kind of thing happen before (but in slightly different scenarios).  There's one instance in particular in which a friend started dating a woman clearly in a casual way.  He was clear he didn't want more.  She was clear she was okay with that and even said she didn't want anything serious either.  They kept the FWB thing going, and then it was like she changed the narrative.  Six months later, she acted like he's been wasting her time and won't make a decision about a commitment.   It was bizarro, but it worked.  [b]He felt guilty.  He felt like the bad guy.  He had feelings for her, but he wasn't really ready to get married.  But he married her anyway, and it's been a mess of a relationship.  But now he has a kid with her, and he's pretty sure that she'll do everything in her power to make it hard to see their child if he divorces her.[/quote][/b]

Stop making excuses for grown men.  He felt guilty, so he married her and had a child?  Poor grown man.  Can't make decisions for himself.  [/quote]

Well, they got married and she told him she was on BC and then, whoopsie, she was pregnant.  Sure, he should have used condoms if he wasn't ready for a kid.  There are other details I'm leaving out that came out later.

I'm not making excuses for him.  He was an idiot for marrying her.  I'm just pointing out that this kind of thing happens, and so if your gut is telling you you're not ready for something and you've been honest all along that you're not looking for that and then someone pressures you, be warned.

I'd say the same thing to a woman.  [/quote]

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