Reply to Do I owe this to MIL?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I want to start with saying I have a good relationship with my mother in law.  She's friendly and helpful and a giving Grandma.  I am pregnant with our 3rd and last baby and DH told me Mil would like to be in the delivery room.  She only has sons and her other daughter in laws are done having kids and she feels regretful [b]she will never get to see any of her grandchildren born.  [/b]She feels slighted because having only sons makes her the "2nd tier" grandma in all cases because all of us daughter in laws tend to defer to our mothers regarding these things.  I am very guilty of this. I like my mom helping me after birth and dont mind my own mom seeing me naked or looking gross and in the past have asked MIL to come to hospital 24-48 hours after birth.  It gets more complicated as she was a nurse and feels a little disrespected we wouldn't want her in the delivery room for her medical knowledge.   I want to have her in the room in theory but its really hard for me to be comfortable with it.  I feel very exposed and once I even pooped on my kid during the last push….ain't no body wanna see that.  Well, I guess MIL does.  I really want to have a great relationship with her and this is one of the few specific things she has asked us.  WWYD?[/quote]
It sounds to me as if she doesn't want to be there to take care of you or to help you, but rather to be there when her grandchild is born. That's understandable, and it probably makes her feel very vulnerable because it's not something she can do herself, and depends entirely on the goodwill of others.

So for me, I would want to find a way to make it happen because it's a dear wish of an old lady who is well past her birthing days. Plus you say she is a very good grandma.  I would sit down with her and explain that you are very self conscious of naked and gross things during delivery, and maybe arrange for her to always be in the part of the room where she doesn't see your legs.  Find out exactly what she wants - is it to see the baby emerge? To see the baby as soon as possible after birth? Like, what exactly does she want? [/quote]

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