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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In my teens.  When he left my mom to support him while he traveled for his dreams, left us to deal with her addiction, and then did minor stuff like skipping all my graduations because he was busy networking elsewhere.  Wish my mom had left him 30 years ago.[/quote]

This is my point exactly - to all those people out there staying with spouses for the sake of the kids -

Your kids aren't stupid. They are extremely perceptive. They understand what is going on - no matter how hard you try to pretend that it's okay - it's not.

You are actually doing more harm than good.

For all you women out there - be an example of a strong, independent woman, who doesn't depend on a man - so that your daughters can have the same mindset one day and not be trapped in miserable marriages like you were.

Have the strength and courage to figure out a way to live on your own and leave these bad marriages for the sake of your children - who have to witness the dysfunction and the dead look in mommy's eyes as she eeks out a miserable existence "for the sake of the kids".

Stop telling yourself you are doing something strong for the sake of the kids. You are actually doing something weak for the sake of yourself.[/quote]

Said the spineless wimp who walked out on his/her marriage because it was easier than staying and trying to work it out. And now feels s/he has to justify her own lack of backbone by tearing into Internet strangers.

Wow, way to show us you're a big girl anonymously!

You, my dear, are a complete f'ing loser. [/quote]

Actually, never married, no kids. But that was a very nice try.

I work with at risk youth and teenagers with behavioral problems.

I get to fix all the problems people like you create.

But hey, that was a very good attempt.[/quote]

Ahahaha! So why don't you just admit that you have zero experience in relationships or in parenting?

As a researcher, I have to wonder why the hell you think your limited experience with a limited group of kids, many of whom are struggling with other things like add or drugs a friend introduced them to, is representative of anything like the wider universe of relationships and kids? And why don't you just admit that you only meet the kids who are struggling and never meet the kids who are doing well? Let me help: why don't you take a tour of this forum and check out the threads about couples who tried to make it work and succeeded?

How the hell are you qualified to dispense advice, via bullying no less, on ANYTHING?  Don't you deal with bullying in your job? Don't you tell kids it's bad?

I wouldn't trust somebody with your personality with my parrot or dog, let alone my kid.

[/quote]

LOL... aww - I realize I struck a nerve with you... Look, you should probably find a way to deal with your guilt... More plausible though - find a way to deal with your miserable life.

It's a shame that you picked the wrong person to spend your life with. It's a shame that you are too scared to venture out on your own and start a new life, one that has the possibility of happiness.

But, it's inexcusable that you drag your kid down with you.[/quote]

Troll ploy #322: I struck a nerve! Didn't I! Please validate me as a troll by saying yes, puhleeze?!

Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm so much happier without XDH. Life is great now--bought the house, great new job, going to Europe in 2 months, dating a great new guy. As I knew before when I was sticking in the marriage--I'm the pp above who wanted to protect the kids from the mental illness including the breakdown.

But you just keep on being you. It's totally working for you.[/quote]

Why are you making an argument to stay for the kids, when you left?

Doesn't make much sense - or did I miss something?[/quote]

He left. Decided he wanted to retire early rather than pay for DC's top ivy. (Yep, not all kids in bad marriages end up failing at life, geez).[/quote]

Only on DCUM do we measure the success and happiness of a child based on where they got into college... Because that is certainly the indicator on how that child feels...

More importantly, I am pretty sure I didn't say anything about all children failing at life because they were part of bad marriages.

I am pretty sure I said, that people who claim to stay for the kids, aren't staying for the kids... They stay for themselves and rationalize it, by saying they stay for their kids. In the meantime, they live loveless, miserable lives, which their children pick up on, and believe to be the way that relationships should be, which then, severely hinders their own ability to have healthy relationships, because they don't even know what a healthy relationship is. It is not a great example to set.

As I read through DCUM - I have yet to read the post that says, "I stay with my shitty DH because he endangers the life of my children, and I have to stay to protect them."

What I do see and read a lot of - is the SAHM, who doesn't want to have to go out and get a job, doesn't want to disrupt the money train, and they stay in a crappy marriage, often times having affairs, and demonstrating the very worst of relationships to their children, but then say, oh, I stayed in the marriage for the kids... Or the DH who hates his wife, has affairs, but doesn't want to split up his assets, or pay child support and alimony, so he stays in the relationship because it's cheaper - but of course, he's doing it for the kids too.

So, spare me.[/quote]

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