Reply to When did you realize you didn't like your mom (or dad)?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hate to feed the hijacking troll (who I doubt works with troubled teens--being that tone deaf isn't generally a recommendation for therapy work).

But being the child of divorced parents isn't all that great. My kids tell me they hate shuttling back and forth. Assignments are always at the other house. My Ex is bipolar with ADD and they've had to deal with him on their own now, although if they ask I try to help them process without bad-mouthing him. If I had known he was going to have a breakdown in front of DS, and taken away in an ambulance, I would have intervened beforehand. But the kids and I had no idea.[/quote]

If you had to do it all over again, would you have stayed?

It is a shame that your EX had a breakdown in front of your DS. But, there was no way that you could have known that. More importantly, there is probably very little you could have done to prevent it as well. However, you aren't bad mouthing him, which is great and takes a lot of discipline, I am sure; you are demonstrating to your kids that they don't have to stay in an unhealthy relationship, that you are not responsible for another person's happiness, and that you can make it on your own, and not be dependent on someone else. And they aren't dealing with their father all alone - you are there to help guide them through it - which you can do a much better job of - because you aren't neck deep in it yourself anymore.

Yes, the shuffling around is an inconvenience. It probably really sucks. I would venture to guess though, that the kids won't remember the inconveniences as much as they will remember how much you taught them that they have the right to be happy, to have a healthy relationship, how to be classy in difficult situations, how to have the courage to start over on your own in order to find happiness.

I really wouldn't look at what you did as a failure PP.[/quote]

I'm not looking at what I did as a failure. I think you need to stop putting thoughts and justifications into other people's posts.

I'm very happy I'm no longer dealing with XDH. I'm happy and free, yes.

But it's not just about me. The impact on the kids isn't as clear-cut as you want to make it, nor is it always clear exactly what I'm modeling to them. I'm still ambivalent about it, for reasons involving them that I don't want to go into here. Life is complicated; it's not as easy as saying to your kids, "look, I'm modeling happiness so you should be happy too."[/quote]

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