Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have never understood the emotional and intellectual circumstances that compel someone to have sex with someone who is not their significant other. The part I particularly don't understand is that they obviously know that sex outside of their relationship is not ok. They know it would mean the death of their relationship or in the least create significant problems for the foreseeable future. They know the lying and sneaking and betrayal will crush and devastated their partner.

Then...why do they do it? If they are out of love with their significant other, why do they not just end the relationship or take steps to do it? Then they can freely go and find someone else.

[/quote]

only a female would post this.[/quote]

Compartmentalizing isn’t usually something women are very adept at accomplishing. We compartmentalize a different way.  That’s probably why we have such a difficult time understanding it in our husbands.

One of the most life changing pieces of recovery for men is being forced to see his family as a complete part of his life. There’s no room for compartments in a marriage built on honesty, respect, and integrity. Luckily, once a man fully commits to recovery with time it becomes more and more difficult for him to compartmentalize his life.

During affairs, the unsuspecting spouses often don't know what is happening. Would it be the faithful spouse, loving father, angry husband, annoyed lover, frustrated boss, sneaky betrayer or a variety of other personas husbands use during affairs that came through the door? Their moods are continually shifting.  There are days that you wished he’d just stay at work so I didn’t have to guess what his mood would be. As a matter of fact, most people don't even recognize all the spouse's many different “sides” until after an affair is discovered. Only then do you realize that for years your spouse lived a life of dysfunction and deceit. [i]The way they were acting at the time had nothing to do with their family and everything to do with their guilt and shame over adulterous activities.[/i][/quote]

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