Reply to Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I used to work a high paid investment banking job in NYC. My teen knows how much I struggled and missed him when he was a baby, how I tried to get home before he went to sleep and usually missed his bedtime. He knows that his dad has a demanding job and how I was always the one to drive him to school and activities. He knows I stayed home with his little brother and sister.[/quote]

OMG how do you not get it? The few of us to whom this thread was actually directed are saying that one of the reasons we work is so that your kids -- all three of them -- don't have to struggle like you did. So that one spouse being in "a demanding job" doesn't mean missing bedtimes or that that same spouse can't drive their kid to school most days and be there for activities. The cycle perpetuated by women electing to be the spouse to SAH over 95% of the time is creating preconceived expectations for your daughter AND your sons all of them will have to conform to or battle against. Those who think they are fortunate to have "choice" and "autonomy" to make that decision are blind to the systemic reasons leading to that choice and of the effect of their choice on the whole.

And as an aside, to PP who said men are much more sympathetic and understanding as to why women choose to stay home, you need to think long and hard about the incentives at play.[/quote]

You know what else makes things hard for women in the workforce?  Repeated pregnancies and maternal leave.  Regardless of whether the woman returns, that can perpetuate negative stereotypes about career women and force extra work on the coworkers left behind.  Would you also suggest that because those are problematic for the workforce and how women are judged, we should avoid having second/third/fourth babies?

Look, whether male or female, we have to make reproductive and lifestyle decisions based on what works for our individual marriages and lives.  If my third pregnancy negatively impacts my coworker, oh well.  If my leaving to stay at home for a few years negatively impacts how women in my career are viewed, well oh well, yet again.[/quote]
You know who can actually improve workplace conditions so moms can re-enter the workforce after taking care of their babies? Other women who stayed in the workforce. Workplace policies for working moms don't improve if all moms decide to permanently leave the workforce.[/quote]

Actually, the people who can most directly improve workplace policies are those in the workplace, but these women are not.  For example, I am currently a SAHM looking to get back to work.  I have been at home for 5 years.  Prior to that, I was an attorney for 15.

I just interviewed for an in-house position that turned out to be fully on-site with an expectation that it is “more than a 9-5 job.”  Most of the people in the legal department are women (general counsel, my would be direct boss, other colleagues).  I turned down that job because I would not see my kids during the week if I didn’t.  [b]So from my perspective it seems the women in the workplace are perpetuating the work around the clock lifestyle.[/b][/quote]
You are going to make the broad assumption that *women* are perpetuating "around the clock" lifestyles based upon your limited observation of ONE office? Or are you just looking really hard for an excuse not to return to work?
[/quote]

Yes, this just isn't true. I work in-house at an organization that very has an around the clock mentality because of the mission. We also have a preference for in-person work. Despite that fact, I am able to flex my hours to see my kids before and after school plenty. I get them to school 3 day a week and pick them up from the bus the other 2. I am always home by 5:30-6. Technology allows me to handle urgent matters from elsewhere. Some of this is that I have chosen to ask for forgiveness instead of beg for permission but workplaces that work for parents who want to be involved certainly exist. I still don't think being a working mom is easy or fun a lot of the time, but it is not impossible. [/quote]

In fairness...you have been at the organization for a while I presume.  You probably won't let the new person have this flexibility until they have "put in their time".[/quote]

I don’t know about this PP but in my work we model being off for dinner and kids time. It’s expected. I have also covered for people- yes done their work for them or taken a meeting in place of them- because they have a sick kid or something. I had not really thought of it that way but yeah I guess part of why I work is so that someday my kids (son AND daughter) can have a boss like me or the people I’ve trained. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics