Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So DS 30's has finally gone into therapy to work on himself, but now he is basically blaming me and my marriage problem/fighting, my religion that I forced on him, my homeschooling, my house rules, etc. All these things caused his mental problems and unhappiness according to his therapist. I have apologized if I contributed but there is not much to be done now. He wrote me a letter about it. It's depressing have all this blame hurled at me, I can't change the past and I wasn't a perfect parent - but we did our best and I thought he had a fairly happy childhood, much better than DH and I. I tried to give him the childhood I wanted as a kid. It's causing me to feel down. No one can hurt you like your kid.[/quote]

Sorry but this is what therapists do.  Most are just college grads with a license added on.  Most have no idea what they are doing.  It's routine for a psychiatrist or psychologist to blame the parents, especially the mother.   Unfortunately most adolescents and young adults don't know this basic theme of the racket.[/quote]

My adult son is in therapy after a divorce and part of what they have discussed is of course, me (his mom) and his dad. I don't see anything wrong with this at all. He isn't blaming, it's actually helped him think about family dynamics. Our childhood is a huge part of why we become who we are. We have good discussions and are always here for our adult kids.

On the other hand if someone like op gets defensive and doesn't care that their adult child is hurting, that's a huge problem. [b]When an adult child comes to you about their pain, they aren't asking you to decide if they have the right to feel pain![/b]

I went through my own therapy and I was raised similar to op's son. I was severely depressed in my 20's and wrote a letter. My parents laughed at it and opened up the bible to explain that depression is a sin, etc. They apologized if they overspanked. I was beaten almost daily, even as a teen. There are many caring good therapists, I saw an amazing psychologist and still see her occasionally to discuss current issues that come up.[/quote]

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