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[quote=Anonymous]I can't remember how my parents told us but it took a long time for them to officially divorce.  We know for a fact my dad cheated and my mom's attitude was that she wasn't going to divorce him, he would have to divorce her.  Yet they did nothing to try to improve the marriage while staying together.  So from that experience I would say

- I agree with PP that said let DH be the one to start the conversation.  Don't disparage him, but don't do his dirty work.  
- It's important that you stay strong.  I love my mom and in some way she is such a strong woman.  However to this day it still just confounds me to that she would stay with someone that didn't want her.  However you make peace with it, believe you deserve better, don't beg him to stay, or have a breakdown in front of the kids.  
- At some point, your DH may need to admit to the kids that he made mistakes and take responsibility for his actions.  He doesn't need to be specific, but he needs to be sincere. Speaking for myself that was the moment that I forgave my dad.  I was a teenager when this was all happening so as part of the affair my dad was lying about where he would be and was unavailable when we would call.  I felt abandoned, as though I couldn't depend on him, as though the other woman and whatever he was doing was more important to him than his kids.  I was an adult by the time I had that conversation. My mom stayed out of that conversation, let us individually work out our relationship with our dad, and would genuinely encourage us to work it out with our dad.
-Logistics, logistics, logistics.  Sorry, kids are self-centered that way and want to know what it means for them
-I would NOT contact the other woman's husband.  You are already separating.   Either the OW husband already knows and that's why they are in counseling trying to work it out and you saying something will get back to your DH and make it that much harder to co-parent and get along for the sake of the kids OR the OW's DH doesn't know and since men are more likely to divorce wife over infidelity this is the trigger for her divorce leaving her open to re-marry your soon to be ex.  Do you really want to do anything to push that woman into being your children's step mom?  
-Keep it classy.[/quote]

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