Reply to "You agreed to give your body to me" What?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH and I have had a below average sex life all along, and lately it's been pretty much nonexistent. I was a virgin when we married and honestly I have never really liked sex. He told me recently after an argument about sex that "when we got married you agreed to give your body to me." What?? I know, he's not attacking me, so I don't want to say he's all rapey, and we actually get along quite well in other areas, but am I wrong to think that was a horrible thing to say? Do we give our bodies to our husbands when we marry them? [/quote]

I find this very "rapey".  No, he is not attacking you physically to get sex, but the basic definition of rape does not rest on sex by physical force.  The definition of rape is sex without consent.  The definition of consensual sex is "sex free from force, intimidation or coercion.". See here for a fuller definition of consensual sex.

http://www.bhsu.edu/FacultyStaff/HumanResources/TitleIXSexualMisconduct/ConsensualSex.aspx

By telling you that you agreed to give your body to him, what your husband is saying is that by marrying him, you consented to sex with him whenever and wherever he likes.  Legally speaking, this is the very old (and now discredited) theory of marital consent to sex that was used to shield spouses from marital rape charges.  In most, if not all, states marital rape can now be prosecuted and the marriage itself does not constitute some kind of universal lifelong consent to sex.

That said, I do believe that sex is a critical part of marriage.  Options at this point are 1) therapy for you both to improve your sex life and negotiate how to communicate needs in a spirit of equity or 2) an open marriage or 3) divorce.[/quote]

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