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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

I got it over with.

Didn't get drunk-- drinking makes me horny for about five minutes and then makes me cranky and tired.

Instead I got really ready and committed myself to see it through and look reasonably into it.

When the house was kid-free, the dog walked, and breakfast done I asked him if he'd like to give it a try and he said yes.

I followed through pretty convincingly. I also told him up front I wanted him not to do two things I really dislike (breathing heavily in my ear like a phone pervert and touching my thighs in a way that tickles). I said that nicely without the colorful analogy.

I fantasized the whole time and that helped with the show of enthusiasm. I also came, which I think is a testament to what a rock-solid fantasizer I am.

I waited to cry until he was in the shower and I was doing yard work.

Pretty sure I can do this once per week or so. He seems cautiously happy. I need to work up the capacity to kiss him.

Feeling filthy right now, and lonely, and somewhat grieving for my cocoon where at least my body is mine to give or keep.

Honestly, though, it's tougher to live with a defeated, depressed guy than to put out.

This experience helped me solidify my plans to leave my job and find something that pays far more. I don't want to be afraid about money anymore. I'd rather be less satisfied and better compensated at work than terrified my husband won't find anything and we'll go bankrupt.

There are some places I'd like to travel and hobbies I'd pursue if we had money. That could help me be happy enough to have sex a couple of times per week whether my husband gets his life together or not.

I also feel, for the first time in a long time, like I'm not the big problem he can blame for whatever he can't get done today.

There is just no way to stay married if one person wants sex and isn't getting it.  Having sex will solve that one issue and I think once I get used to it again it'll be like any other obligation -- the office Christmas party. Most people don't know how much I dislike schmoozing because I'm an engaged conversation partner who makes people feel heard. So hopefully being married to the office Christmas party is workable.

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OP, I'm sorry. It does get easier. I promise you.[/quote]

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