Reply to Unsure About Accepting Date With Guy In Wheelchair

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you rule out all disabled people off the bat, you are ableist and the exact reason people don't disclose.

And that's fine, be ableist if you want. But stop trying to act like a good person. You're no different than a racist who tries to justify it. [/quote]

As someone who is biracial, this is bullshit, and not at all a comparable analogy.

It's more like saying if you don't want to date people who share your same sex, that it makes you homophobic.

It's not a crime to be drawn to what you're drawn to. Being disabled doesn't have carry weight concerning the type of human being you may be, but it does matter in terms of compatibility. To not say so is being factitious. I'd find a person who was open, honest, and up front about it confident and probably even sexy. Bringing it up later? I think it's kind of a dick move. And yes, people with disabilities just like all people, can be dicks.

[/quote]

The same is true if someone is a smoker, has kids from a previous relationship, is gay, or transgender, or bi, or age bracket, or whatever. No need for any filters at all because otherwise you're making sweeping categorizations about comparability.

No, it is pretty much the same. It is a broad, sweeping brush as if all disabilities are the same and you'll automatically be incompatible with all of them. [/quote][/quote]

Or religion, or education level, or ethnicity, nationality, interests, or any category or detail.

Having any parameters at all means you're making sweeping categorizations about compatibility. No one should list any of these details about themselves in their profile, lest you judge them, and you should always give them a try in online dating.

[/quote]

But putting all of that in a profile is unrealistic. The OP's date was honest with her before they ever met. [/quote]

It doesn't sound like you know anything about online dating, as all of that is generally already on someone's profile, by the questions one answers dictated by the site. When you search profiles, most of the above are already in parameters so you can filter out/in qualities that are important in a partner. All of us have characteristics that are important in filtering out people we'd be interested in dating with long term goals. It makes you a bad person if you judge their character, but you're not a bad person for wanting to know these things as a simple matter of compatibility.

Yes, OP's date did tell her he was in a wheelchair, but after they made plans. I think that's obnoxious. Lots of people are up front about things about them that are less than ideal, and should be candid before making plans.

Also, people with disabilities aren't delicate snowflakes that need to be handled gently with special gloves. People in a wheelchair are like everyone else - they can be confident and insecure. They can be honest or dishonest. They can be jerks or not jerks. Waiting to disclose being in a wheelchair until after you make plans is a jerk move. [/quote]

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