Reply to Unsure About Accepting Date With Guy In Wheelchair

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Truthfully I think this is something important enough to disclose upfront in an online dating profile. Not after you start communicating or plan a date.

Agree with pp that this would be a dealbreaker for me, because I'm a very active person, and would need a partner to share some of those loves. I get that he may be a bit insecure, but I think it's dishonest to not state up front if he is permanently in a wheelchair.

Friend? Not a question. But to go on a date with, with some long term intent/relationship in mind? Dealbreaker. 
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Why is it dishonest? It isn't like he said he wasn't in a wheelchair. [/quote]

Saying nothing is not the same thing as being honest. And to be completely honest, a partner (or dating/finding a date with the hope of finding a committed relationship), being in permanently in a wheelchair is an important consideration. Like if someone doesn't mention that they have kids, or are a heavy smoker. They are important, big details to list up front.
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It isn't the same as being dishonest either. You have no idea if OP or the guy are looking for a life partner, and he was up front before the date.

Also, how dare you compared being disabled to being a heavy smoker. You are truly incompetent. [/quote]

How dare I?! I dare.

It's a very big compatibility issue. They are both big details about someone that may affect compatibility, and should be stated up front. The height issue is incredibly shallow and absurd - but being confined to a wheelchair is very important in terms of a lifestyle one would like to share with a partner. If someone deliberately chooses not to state that big detail, I'd find it dishonest.  If it's not an issue for someone, there's no harm in being up front about being confined to a wheelchair.

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You are truly clueless and ableist, and I say that as a non-disabled person. [/quote]

If someone posts pictures of themselves from 10 years when they were 100lbs lighter, would it make me a "fat shamer" if I found that dishonest?

While I know to an extent people want to present their best side in online dating profiles, not presenting truth (which I include not disclosing being confined to a wheelchair) is not a way to achieve success in the dating department. It's a compatibility issue - not a judgment about their competency, or choices, etc. 
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Honestly, if the person said early on "this is an old picture and I weigh X now," no big deal.

The point is it is not the same as being a heavy smoker or something entirely in your control.

I highly doubt anyone in a wheelchair is seeking out people who have said hiking is of the utmost importance to them. Which, in the vein of being honest, I hope that these people who say being outdoorsy and active is a deal breaker have been truly HONEST and disclosed that in their profile - anyone who can't or doesn't want to participate in hiking and camping need not contact me. After all, that's a huge part of their life and very very important to their relationship, right?[/quote]

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