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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to be an adult. Invite your father "plus 1" and invite your mother "plus 1." They are both adults and will deal. Seat them at separate tables, far from each other. They'll handle it maturely.

If your father wants to be an idiot and invite the new woman, let him. He'll look like an ass, and you'll look like the mature person you are.[/quote]

OP, this is the most mature response on YOUR part.  I have been where you are. My dad destroyed our family with an affair, married the woman, had a new family.  My mom HATES them both.
  
But, at the end of the day, I felt we all had to forgive and move on.  I can't spend the rest of my life, and that of my children, trying to avoid OW.  Today it's my wedding.  What about baby showers, christenings, birthdays, Christmas, and on and on.... are you going to exclude OW and therefore your dad from your life forever?  Because you or your mom are angry over your dad's terrible behavior?

What your dad did *is* terrible and selfish.  And he clearly intends to continue being selfish, as his response to your wish for your wedding indicates.  You have to decide:  do you love him enough to accept him despite his shortcomings, or is his selfishness too much for you to tolerate.  If the latter, then I'd exclude him and OW from the wedding and give up on having a relationship with them in the future.

I would let Dad and Ow come and focus on what extra things you can do for your mom so that she feels more comfortable at the wedding.  Does she have a date?  Will she be able to afford to look her best i.e. hair, dress, etc?  Seat them far apart.  Have a special son/mom dance.  Special flowers for her, whatever else you can do to make her feel loved, special and important that day.  Be polite to Ow but don't go out of your way for her.

You are a good son to be so caring about your mom's feelings.  Good luck to you.
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