Reply to If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?

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Reply to "If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am very surprised to see the vitriol toward remarried parents here.

I have an original family and have never been, nor do I think I will ever be, divorced. But I still think that post-divorce, if someone wants to get remarried there isn't really anything selfish about that, provided the new spouse is a good person. It almost seems to me like people are looking at the wrong variable here - of course divorce is sad and hard and children bear the brunt of it. But a child of divorce with a single parent or parents doesn't seem like they'd be happier than the child of divorce with a nice step-parent. The kids I knew growing up with divorced parents could be emotional messes with messy lives, but having a step-parent didn't make that worse automatically. I guess I don't get the hate toward parents who fall in love again?[/quote]

I think this poster is exactly right.

My divorce was ugly and it was very hard on my DC. That fact remains true--whether I remarry or whether I remain single.

In my case, I wanted my children to see alternative modelling for what a father can be. Their father has some wonderful attributes (creative, free-thinker) but all those strengths can be flipped around (he's unreasonable, impossible to employ, questioning authority and rebellious). The result is someone fun and entertaining but irresponsible. I don't have a brother or a father (they both died) and I wanted my kids to see different ways of being in this world. I didn't want my daughter marrying someone she's responsible for and I didn't want my son becoming someone like my father. I realize it's not in my control who they ultimately elect to be, but in my case, I chose to remarry and give them another template. My second husband is a very responsible and very caring person. I don't know if either DC will ever want or need this different model, but it's there if they need to learn from it.[/quote]

Problem is, the adults want the relationship and they will rationalize their way into thinking it's good for the kids.  My mom loves to tell me how glad she is to be modeling a better relationship.  Actually she's modeling cheating on your husband for a fucked up loser.  So I get all the negatives of divorce and also an unhappy mom in a bad relationship.  It's the worst of both worlds.  But she can't handle the cognitive dissonance so she's always going on  about how wonderful it all is.[/quote]

+ 1. Sorry that happened to you

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