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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I learned that my 16 year old son has been sexually active for the last couple of months with his girlfriend.

This is not something DH or I approve of.  When asked DS says that he is using a condom and does not intent to stop. He says that it makes him feel really good and makes him closer to girlfriend.  Her parents know and do not have any problems with it.

He is a really good kid, playing sports, good grades, respectful etc. but I really don't want to give the impression that I'm good with this, I am not.

Question is what should we do?  Seems like trying to hammer him would not result in stopping this activity short of full time grounding.  Doing nothing we appear to condone such activity.

Kinda lost on what to do.

[/quote]

OP, I really feel for you. I have boys and something like this is one of my nightmares. Mine are younger than yours so I may not know what I'm talking about here, but I'd like to think this is what I would do:

I would start by calling his bluff. I would say "Great! So, her parents know about this and are happy about it. Sounds like we're all going to be one big happy family." I would then proceed to tell him that I am inviting her parents over for dinner and we're all going to talk about this. I would serve a lovely dinner and have you and DH be gracious hosts. But during the meal, I would make it very clear that we do not approve of sex outside of marriage (especially at this age -- I am so with you on that) and say -- in front of all of them -- that your son was brought up to take sex seriously. So, we assume that this relationship is permanent and heading somewhere. Where is she going to college? What are her future plans?

I would let them know in no uncertain terms that you two are not happy about this, but if this is the way it's going to be, it's going to happen on your terms, as long as he is a minor living in your home.

You can take it from there. Get creative, lower the boom and see what happens. But be very nice about it all, of course.[/quote]

I think this is sweet but you can't assume that this girl or her parents would come to a dinner like that or be receptive to anything that you have to say.  I understand your values, I really do but the one who needs to abide by those standards is your son.  And he really, really needs to choose a young woman who has those same standards.  You can't browbeat other people into feeling the same way that you do.  You can not even assume that other families that you like and maybe even know through church feel the same way that you do.

16 is very young to be making lifelong commitments.  That is absolutely true.

[/quote]

You're missing the point. If I were OP, I couldn't care less if this girl or her parents would be receptive to what I had to say.

The purpose would be to break them up. [/quote]

Yes, that would be ideal.  But if they don't care that their daughter is having sex, they won't care what your own opinion is on the matter.  The one you have to talk to is your boy.[/quote]

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