Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I learned that my 16 year old son has been sexually active for the last couple of months with his girlfriend.

This is not something DH or I approve of. When asked DS says that he is using a condom and does not intent to stop. He says that it makes him feel really good and makes him closer to girlfriend. Her parents know and do not have any problems with it.

He is a really good kid, playing sports, good grades, respectful etc. but I really don't want to give the impression that I'm good with this, I am not.

Question is what should we do? Seems like trying to hammer him would not result in stopping this activity short of full time grounding. Doing nothing we appear to condone such activity.

Kinda lost on what to do.

OP, I really feel for you. I have boys and something like this is one of my nightmares. Mine are younger than yours so I may not know what I'm talking about here, but I'd like to think this is what I would do:

I would start by calling his bluff. I would say "Great! So, her parents know about this and are happy about it. Sounds like we're all going to be one big happy family." I would then proceed to tell him that I am inviting her parents over for dinner and we're all going to talk about this. I would serve a lovely dinner and have you and DH be gracious hosts. But during the meal, I would make it very clear that we do not approve of sex outside of marriage (especially at this age -- I am so with you on that) and say -- in front of all of them -- that your son was brought up to take sex seriously. So, we assume that this relationship is permanent and heading somewhere. Where is she going to college? What are her future plans?

I would let them know in no uncertain terms that you two are not happy about this, but if this is the way it's going to be, it's going to happen on your terms, as long as he is a minor living in your home.

You can take it from there. Get creative, lower the boom and see what happens. But be very nice about it all, of course.

I think this is sweet but you can't assume that this girl or her parents would come to a dinner like that or be receptive to anything that you have to say. I understand your values, I really do but the one who needs to abide by those standards is your son. And he really, really needs to choose a young woman who has those same standards. You can't browbeat other people into feeling the same way that you do. You can not even assume that other families that you like and maybe even know through church feel the same way that you do.

16 is very young to be making lifelong commitments. That is absolutely true.

You're missing the point. If I were OP, I couldn't care less if this girl or her parents would be receptive to what I had to say.

The purpose would be to break them up.

Anonymous wrote:Mom of nerdy 15 year old here. SO glad he is nerdy!!! I don't have to worry about this ridiculous idea of sex at such a young age. He doesn't have a girlfriend. He is just interested in hanging out with his friends, doing his sports, and playing video games/watching movies. So young and innocent, I know he won't be having sex any time soon. I feel so sorry for you parents of the "fast crowd."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you sit down with both DS and the girlfriend. HAVE THE TALK. Ask them both about what protection they use. Ask them if they've talked about diseases, pregnancy, etc. Bring legit info with you about the risks of sex and what options they have. They might be uncomfortable but they should be able to talk about sex if they are old enough to do it.

That's just do off base and gross. Talk to your boyfriends parents about sex? Talk to your own parents about sex?
What planet are being beaming down from here exactly?

You know what's gross? HAVING A BABY AT 16.

Also, the following are REALLY GROSS:
Herpes (never goes away, can migrate to your brain)
Syphillis (can kill you)
Chlamydia (can leave you sterile)
Gonorrhea (is just nasty)
HPV (never goes away, can cause cancer)
HIV (never goes away AND can turn to AIDS which can kill you)
BV (also is just nasty)
Yeast Infections (nasty and terribly uncomfortable)
PID (long-term complications)

OH, and you know what's' REALLY REALLY GROSS?
ABORTIONS.

So talk to your fucking kids about sex, morons.

+1. They both need a serious dose of responsibility. They are making decisions now that can affect the rest of their lives. Time to grow up.
I would call the girl's parents immediately and discuss. What is the plan for unwanted pregnancy? Draw up a contract and have all parties sign- why not?
And you know what, there are still kids out there who abstain in high school. It is not a foregone conclusion that kids should/will have sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I learned that my 16 year old son has been sexually active for the last couple of months with his girlfriend.

This is not something DH or I approve of. When asked DS says that he is using a condom and does not intent to stop. He says that it makes him feel really good and makes him closer to girlfriend. Her parents know and do not have any problems with it.

He is a really good kid, playing sports, good grades, respectful etc. but I really don't want to give the impression that I'm good with this, I am not.

Question is what should we do? Seems like trying to hammer him would not result in stopping this activity short of full time grounding. Doing nothing we appear to condone such activity.

Kinda lost on what to do.

OP, I really feel for you. I have boys and something like this is one of my nightmares. Mine are younger than yours so I may not know what I'm talking about here, but I'd like to think this is what I would do:

I would start by calling his bluff. I would say "Great! So, her parents know about this and are happy about it. Sounds like we're all going to be one big happy family." I would then proceed to tell him that I am inviting her parents over for dinner and we're all going to talk about this. I would serve a lovely dinner and have you and DH be gracious hosts. But during the meal, I would make it very clear that we do not approve of sex outside of marriage (especially at this age -- I am so with you on that) and say -- in front of all of them -- that your son was brought up to take sex seriously. So, we assume that this relationship is permanent and heading somewhere. Where is she going to college? What are her future plans?

I would let them know in no uncertain terms that you two are not happy about this, but if this is the way it's going to be, it's going to happen on your terms, as long as he is a minor living in your home.

You can take it from there. Get creative, lower the boom and see what happens. But be very nice about it all, of course.

I think this is sweet but you can't assume that this girl or her parents would come to a dinner like that or be receptive to anything that you have to say. I understand your values, I really do but the one who needs to abide by those standards is your son. And he really, really needs to choose a young woman who has those same standards. You can't browbeat other people into feeling the same way that you do. You can not even assume that other families that you like and maybe even know through church feel the same way that you do.

16 is very young to be making lifelong commitments. That is absolutely true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I learned that my 16 year old son has been sexually active for the last couple of months with his girlfriend.

This is not something DH or I approve of. When asked DS says that he is using a condom and does not intent to stop. He says that it makes him feel really good and makes him closer to girlfriend. Her parents know and do not have any problems with it.

He is a really good kid, playing sports, good grades, respectful etc. but I really don't want to give the impression that I'm good with this, I am not.

Question is what should we do? Seems like trying to hammer him would not result in stopping this activity short of full time grounding. Doing nothing we appear to condone such activity.

Kinda lost on what to do.

OP, I really feel for you. I have boys and something like this is one of my nightmares. Mine are younger than yours so I may not know what I'm talking about here, but I'd like to think this is what I would do:

I would start by calling his bluff. I would say "Great! So, her parents know about this and are happy about it. Sounds like we're all going to be one big happy family." I would then proceed to tell him that I am inviting her parents over for dinner and we're all going to talk about this. I would serve a lovely dinner and have you and DH be gracious hosts. But during the meal, I would make it very clear that we do not approve of sex outside of marriage (especially at this age -- I am so with you on that) and say -- in front of all of them -- that your son was brought up to take sex seriously. So, we assume that this relationship is permanent and heading somewhere. Where is she going to college? What are her future plans?

I would let them know in no uncertain terms that you two are not happy about this, but if this is the way it's going to be, it's going to happen on your terms, as long as he is a minor living in your home.

You can take it from there. Get creative, lower the boom and see what happens. But be very nice about it all, of course.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you sit down with both DS and the girlfriend. HAVE THE TALK. Ask them both about what protection they use. Ask them if they've talked about diseases, pregnancy, etc. Bring legit info with you about the risks of sex and what options they have. They might be uncomfortable but they should be able to talk about sex if they are old enough to do it.

That's just do off base and gross. Talk to your boyfriends parents about sex? Talk to your own parents about sex?
What planet are being beaming down from here exactly?

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 20s and at least half of my class was sexually active at 16. Those of you saying your kid is too nerdy or wouldn't are delusional. Most of us were very smart though and wore condoms/birth control.

Anonymous wrote:I learned that my 16 year old son has been sexually active for the last couple of months with his girlfriend.

This is not something DH or I approve of. When asked DS says that he is using a condom and does not intent to stop. He says that it makes him feel really good and makes him closer to girlfriend. Her parents know and do not have any problems with it.

He is a really good kid, playing sports, good grades, respectful etc. but I really don't want to give the impression that I'm good with this, I am not.

Question is what should we do? Seems like trying to hammer him would not result in stopping this activity short of full time grounding. Doing nothing we appear to condone such activity.

Kinda lost on what to do.

Anonymous wrote:Don't let him out of the house. Seriously homeschool. He can never see her again. No sex until marriage

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 20s and at least half of my class was sexually active at 16. Those of you saying your kid is too nerdy or wouldn't are delusional. Most of us were very smart though and wore condoms/birth control.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of nerdy 15 year old here. SO glad he is nerdy!!! I don't have to worry about this ridiculous idea of sex at such a young age. He doesn't have a girlfriend. He is just interested in hanging out with his friends, doing his sports, and playing video games/watching movies. So young and innocent, I know he won't be having sex any time soon. I feel so sorry for you parents of the "fast crowd."

LOL, I was "nerdy" too....LOL LOL LOL If only that were truly protection.

+1. DH is one of the nerdiest guys I know. He was laying pipe (in me) at age 16, and I definitely wasn't his first.

You married the guy you dated when you were 16... and you think you are in a position to say... hey look at me, turned out fine.

WTH! You don't know anything about the pp. My first though after reading that was "Wow, that's amazing that you married your high school sweetheart and are still together." I think it's admirable.