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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I can see that you're pretty tormented by this.  You've opened yourself to BF in a way that you've never done with anyone before, and that's a huge deal.

Maybe your concern about his sexual history has at least something to do with anxiety you feel about being in this new place in life.  You're closer to BF than you've ever been with anyone before, and as great as it is you have some unease with all the vulnerability it brings.

To me at least, it makes more sense to think about your own reactions to being in an intimate relationship, rather than focusing on BF's sexual history.

It's all new territory for you, and maybe you could even use a little help taking it all in.  I think that's why you came to DCUM, but a therapist would serve you better.[/quote]

+1.

Also, I was suddenly more curious about how other people lost their virginities right after I lost mine. And I cared a lot more about other people's proposals around the time I got engaged. And I was more curious about weddings when I was planning mine. So some curiosity is natural![/quote]

Thank you two for not being mean to me.
I don't think I'm explaining myself well. I don't want to judge him or anyone. I think the hard thing for me is that he won't  give me a  answer. I know he says he doesn't remember, but I don't see how that can be true. But maybe I don't understand because  this all new to me.[/quote]

I'm just learning about my DH's prom date and we've been married 10 years with two kids!  I think part of it is that my DH knows that I am very curious and nosy (it's true) and he likes to feel like he has some things that are private and some air of mystery.  To be honest, while I am mostly an open book, there are probably some things in the past I've kept private.  Nothing like the pineapple reference that a PP made though.

To the OP, I think what posters are responding to is your insistence on why he won't answer and that it shouldn't be a big deal.  The bottom line is no one owes you information unless it directly impacts you (like having sexually transmitted disease). It doesn't matter how innocent you think the question or that you are willing to answer the same.  If someone seems reluctant to answer the question, you shouldn't keep pushing.  When you keep pushing it shows that you don't respect boundaries or have trouble with social cues.  It doesn't matter if it is your best friend, your mother, your boyfriend, your husband of 30 years, we all have something we may want to keep private, sometimes just to have something to ourselves, sometimes because a memory is painful, sometimes because we don't want to talk about something, sometimes it is worry about how it may change someone's perception of us, sometimes it is fear of opening a can of worms- maybe a combination of reasons.  The answer isn't to have a counterpoint to every reason, "no I won't ask more questions, no it won't change my opinion of you" etc, the answer is to repect that the person doesn't want to talk about it with you in that moment and maybe not ever. And yes, I know you feel very vulnerable with this guy and maybe you feel like he hasn't been with you.  If you feel like he has never made himself vulnerable to you or never shares/communicates his feelings to you then maybe this is a pattern and you have a bigger issue to worry about.  If everything else has been going well, please enjoy having found such a great guy.  Instead of of focusing on who his first is, as they say, hopefully you will be his last.[/quote]

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