Reply to I would like to give my 6YO a lump of coal

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi,
While I hope there is more that led to your conversation with your son you aren't sharing, I want to offer a thought to all the judgy McJudgersons on this thread.

I have twins.  One is so sweet he literally mails love notes to relatives every day.  The other is hell.on.wheels.  Every day is a constant battle with this child.  I love him to the moon and back but he often talks back, is rude, and is disrespectful.  We ground him (take away his favorite toys), put him in time out, and always give him consequences.  It doesn't stop the nonstop struggle with him and his behavior.

Before I had kids I thought a kids behavior was completely a product of nurture.  If you spent any time with my sons who have been together and treated the same since the day they were born, you would see how big a role nature plays in a child's temperament.[/quote]

You don't think it has anything to do with the fact that you call one "sweet" and call the other "hell on wheels" and "disrespectful?"[/quote]

NP here.  I have two kids and the same experience.  They came out of the womb that way.  The differences between them are innumerable and stark.  Their core personalities would not change no matter what I might do, I can promise you that.  Could their behavior be affected?  Yes.  I get that my behavior and habits affects their behavior.  It could get better or worse.  But their personalities I have no control over.  One is sweet and the other is high strung and challenging.  It is what it is.[/quote]

I have the same type of situation - a dd who is high energy, high strung and oppositional just because.  My dh has always been really proud of her and tells her that her stubborn streak, smarts and strength of character are going to get her far in life.  It is frustrating trying to do daily tasks like getting her in the car but I do think his continual praise of her fundamental character is important and helps her self regulate.  My son is an "easy" personality but I hope we don't let our dd think that he is better in any way.

I don't disagree with the above posters on different personalities/temperaments. I do think focusing on the negative traits associated with the temprement in your descriptors is where the problem begins[/quote]

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