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[quote=Anonymous]OP, your priorities are completely off. I will try to be very constructive, though, because you say you're committed to this marriage.

1. If your husband seems awkward around friends, your concern should be how to make him not feel that way - not what your friends think. Also, your opinion that he shouldn't have felt awkward because he knew these people doesn't mean a thing. "Should" doesn't matter here. "Does" is the only relevant thing. If you truly want to help him, maybe try talking to him about WHY he felt awkward or what you can do to help him feel less awkward. I am married to someone who often feels awkward in social situations (even with people we know), and I know that he relies on me for social support in those situations. He doesn't read social cues well, and I have learned how to clue him in to when he's monopolizing the conversation, steer him towards topics that are of interest to everyone, etc. Your problem is that you're not overly concerned with how HE is experiencing these situations - you only care about yourself and the opinions of your friends. Change that, because it's not a good quality.

2. The wardrobe is a fixable issue, if you're willing to discuss with him respectfully. You keep trying. You get rid of everything that's schlubby. Get stuff that works with everything. I do this with my 5 year old, and my husband uses a similar strategy. All his pants are black or dark gray. All his shirts complement the pants well. They are all cut for the shape he is rather than the shape he/I believe he should be. He buys two packages of identical black socks, so there are never mismatched sock issues. He owns 2 pairs of shoes: one pair of black Puma-type casual shoes, and one pair black dress shoes. He owns 1 dark gray suit, 3 suit shirts, and 3 ties, each of which will work with any of the shirts. In the summer, he has several pairs of shorts (I think they're gray cargo shorts but I could be wrong) and a variety of ironic dad t-shirts. It is basically a capsule wardrobe, and the way I framed it to him when we started this two years ago was that this plan would take the stress out of dressing. He would not have to worry about looking silly or feeling uncomfortable in his clothing.

3. You are correct that COMMUNITY is important for families, but you are thinking about it wrong. It is not the social connections that your children will thrive under, but the social support that will enrich their lives. It's possible that social connections will also be helpful, but that should not be the main focus. It makes you seem like a desperate striver, and if that's not who you are and how you want to come off, focus on building genuine relationships with people you admire and enjoy spending time with.

4. Most importantly for your children, however, is the home they grow up in. Your husband knows you're ashamed of him. Your children will pick up on it too. There are no social connections in the world that can replace a loving supportive relationship between parents. You need to work on creating that kind of relationship before you have a child. Start now, today.

Good luck. You'll need it. [/quote]

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