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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Gosh, I don't know.  Do you want to have a relationship with these people?  They've shown their true colors and they are difficult people who view things through a narrow lens.  You are going to always be bending over to meet their needs and placate them.

Their attack of you was unprovoked and undeserved.  Personally I'm with your husband on blocking them and keeping them separate.  He grew up with them and he understands the family dynamics much more than you or an anonymous forum.[/quote]

OP here- Do I want a relationship with them? Yes, because it's important to my husband and I think it's wrong to deny my daughter access to half of her family. They have caused a lot of stress to us over the years (for example, SIL complained 3-4 times in January to DH that I never call her, and so I picked up the phone and called her. Left a voice message of "hey, would love to catch up! etc". She never called me back), which is why I'm very frustrated with this latest episode. I just want to live my life and have a friendly relationship with family. My family sure isn't perfect, but they're not difficult to get along with, but the in-laws are just drama drama drama all the time and it is exhausting.

I certainly appreciate all the kind words from everyone on here, and to the PP who asked, yes, I've thanked DH for being so awesome to me about this. He managed to break out of all this crap through years and years of therapy, but the rest of the family don't seem to understand how they're impacting others. They think they're normal and I'm cold and arrogant, and I just need to beef up my coping skills and not take this personally.[/quote]

I"m the OP you quoted and I just want to add one thing based on what you wrote in your response to my post.

While I understand wanting to have a relationship, and I think it's great you want your kids to know them, at what point do you say it's not fair to subject your kids to their erratic behavior and the drama?  And while you may not believe me now, this will wear on your kids as they get older.  I speak from experience.  My uncle was a class a jerk and eventually I realized I did not want to subject my kids to the behavior I grew up enduring and being told by my parents I had to endure.  I reached a point as an adult where I recognized he was not healthy and my kids were not obligated to put up with his bad behavior.  Just food for thought.

I'm not saying you have to cut off all contact, but I do think I would make efforts to minimize contact.[/quote]

+1 OP I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional family. After years of thought, I realize that the "world" of the functional and the world of the dysfunctional are very different. In the functional world, people have disagreements or misunderstandings, then they fix them. In the dysfunctional world they blow up and the smallest things get bigger and bigger. You are not going to change their world view. And involving your kids can be very problematic.[/quote]

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