Reply to I don't respect my husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find OP's post funny since 70K is coincidentally the threshold above which additional money does not seem to correlate with happiness. It seems like her husband is actually working quite smart.[/quote]

Please. you have to be a real fool to have collected 2 degrees with honors and still manage to only make as much as an executive secretary.[/quote]

That's what I mean. He's graduated from really well respected private schools. He was groomed to do so much more. [/quote]
But based on your own description of him, he's never been the grab life by the balls type, and this was evident in his courtship of you. So why are you surprised now? What did you think would happen?[/quote]

Well I was young and naive. He talked the talk. Everything I was looking for:

[b]A.good character
B.desire to get married and loved children 
C.good relations with his family
D. Very erudite and well educated.
E. Talked of wanting to take care of his family [/b]

Etc.
Those talks I found out, aren't bs led up by action. He said he wanted to get married but waiting a long time to propose, etc.

So he has good intentions, he is just so slow and unmotivated to go get what he wants and muses about.[/quote]

You know what I see missing in the bolded list? The fact that you loved and liked him. Sure, you have to make sure to marry someone of an acceptable level of compatibility with you (whatever that may mean in each case), but marriage is not a business transaction. You are not picking out a car - you are picking someone to spend your life with. If you do not have that love and friendship but merely a list of acceptable traits to checkmark, you are not ever going to be happy. Because what you are doing is not marrying a person, but negotiating a merger for certain tangible assets and any time your merger partner deviates from your list of what you think is cool or status-worthy (and he will, because he is human), you will feel cheated because you have no feelings for him to make that deviation not matter.

Also, your DH is not freeloading from you - sitting home and eating Doritos while you earn the family money. He is clearly earning enough to live on, even if it's not in the style you want to live in. He does not owe you a particular lifestyle. Nobody does except for you yourself. If you want to be rich, go and earn it. If you can't or won't, that's on you, not on him.

I am not even going to get into the whole 'you knew what you were getting, he did not get a personality transplant after marriage' thing. 
[/quote]

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