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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is op- thanks for all the replies its very helpful. Yes I completely agree that it would not make sense to get a minimum wage job where all of it would go towards chikd care- that wouldn't help anyone out in this family- however I would be completely fine if he had a job that only made 50k- really it would help so much and get us out from under the boat. 
To the pp who said her husband switched fields- how did he do this and what kind of job does he have? I think my dh is open to other fields - but he doesn't know where to look. And it seems in this economy it's hard enough to find a job in your own field let alone a new one. [/quote]

How many kids do you have and are they in elementary school yet?  Honestly, if both kids are under 5, a job will be mostly eaten up with daycare expenses, taxes, and work expenses (clothing, transportation, etc.).  Even at this wage level, a job could still make sense if it brings some retirement cash and social security credits.

An alternative would be that you encourage your husband to make a plan for the long term -- for example, " work for X years until both kids are in elementary, then return to work at any price.  while kids are young, focus on taking career-related volunteer work in order to make/keep networks and connections.  continue to explore new career directions...etc."

If you have not been out of work for a significant length of time, you have no idea the prejudices and stigmas one faces returning to work.  And, that's even if you voluntarily left the work force (instead of being riffed or fired).  People think you're stupid, lazy, somehow lost all your skills, aren't "motivated," etc.

One thing that would help is if you stop approaching this from the perspective of "you aren't pulling your weight"  or "I need you to help".  Instead focus on, "You don't seem happy like this, I don't think this is a good long term plan for your happiness, your financial security, etc. and what can we do to get you to a place where you have fulfilling work and some financial security long term?"  Call in outside help (financial advisers, career planners, therapist, etc.)  Do not involve other family.  It just creates an extra layer of unhelpful dynamics.  If you have health insurance insist you DH see a therapist, not because he's "sick" or "depressed" (although that might be the case), but because the job situation would be hugely stressful for anyone. [/quote]

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