Anonymous wrote:My husband lost his job in the first year we were married. Since then he has consistently found work and consistently been fired. He is in consulting. I understand that in consulting the pieces move. I also appreciate that he goes out again and gets work but he never seems to address the issues that get him laid off. He is hostile and likes to tell people what he thinks. He feels that this is his right He does this everywhere he goes. When he came to my work at a school I would ask him to be calm and polite at events. One evening he came to an event and he chewed out the parking attendant/employee because he had to wait in line (like everyone else) to park. Later that evening he screamed at a parent from the school because the person left his snack plate on a shared table. I was so humiliated and as a teacher concerned for my job but my husband was oblivious. My son also attended the schools so this was equally difficult. The school was a small community and we were humiliated.

Recently, my husband was unemployed of 7 months. He found a great consulting job but was laid off in 2 weeks. 5 months later he found another prime job but was laid off on the first day. He claimed it was because someone returned to the job, but later I heard the personnel call and go over him about his issues. My patience has run thin but I am viewed as the terrible one by my son and my husband for not supporting the dad. Throughout our marriage my husband has needed coaching and patience. At first I really tried to help him but after awhile I could see that he was not changing his behavior and it was a waste of time. My husband has worn thin on all of his relationships and has no friends. He never leaves the house. He watches tv or reads for most of the day and then drinks starting at 5. He is in terrible shape and he never exercises. He is a terrible role model for ours son. He only has his siblings but hey are far away. On the phone, he blames me for his problems. He claims he pays all of the bills because he pay our low mortgage when I pay an equal amount to food and health care.

I stayed in the marriage because of our son. He is now in 9th grade. I am afraid to leave because we have little money and our son is in a pivotal time for school.

Anonymous wrote:This is op- thanks for all the replies its very helpful. Yes I completely agree that it would not make sense to get a minimum wage job where all of it would go towards chikd care- that wouldn't help anyone out in this family- however I would be completely fine if he had a job that only made 50k- really it would help so much and get us out from under the boat.
To the pp who said her husband switched fields- how did he do this and what kind of job does he have? I think my dh is open to other fields - but he doesn't know where to look. And it seems in this economy it's hard enough to find a job in your own field let alone a new one.

Anonymous wrote:Agree on the whole childcare aspect. You have to account for him being able to find a well paying job that would cover the cost of daycare and other expenses (gas etc)

Anonymous wrote:OP, if it makes you feel better, my sister's husband has been out of work for nearly 8 year and does not NOTHING around the house. When we talk about work, he simply retaliates and says "did I say no to any job?"He's also very abusive ds
Since he is refusing to leave/divorce, my sister has to move with the children.
You're in a much better situation

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've gone through 5 years of the worse financial pullback since the Great Depression. Husbands and wives annoyed at unemployed spouses need to educate themselves and show some sympathy and respect.

Oh, please. If you haven't lived it, you just have no idea. OP, I feel for you. My husband has also been unemployed mostly for the last 5 years. He's a disbarred attorney. He works sporadically at low level jobs but has not pulled in more than $20K for 5+ years now. Our lives have changed dramatically. Bankruptcy, foreclosure, no college for the kids (oldest is 21 years old), medical bills (no health insurance), IRS problems, you name it. Life has been extremely stressful for such a long time. My advice for you is to try to get your husband to get some kind of computer certification. In hindsight that would have helped us so much. Too late for us but hopefully not for you.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a good father and takes care of a ton of things at home but he's been out if work for almost 3 years. He has been trying to get a job in a field that has cut a ton if jobs . In addition he doesn't have some credentials that others do-MBA etc. I have told him that he needs to put his pride aside and just get any job bc we cannot survive on my income alone. I don't believe that he will find a job in that field ever again. He is delusional and thinks something will magically appear. I am so at my wits end with this. I have huge resentment and feel like all feelings I had for him are withering away. We have a small child which complicates things. He takes care of the house and cooks and does laundry so it's not like he's not helpful. He also watches our child during most of the week which saves on child care. He has been looking for work networking and trying to get some consultant work- and trying to do this all while taking care of a kid- which is nearly impossible. But I am pissed that he pretty much refuses to get a job 'beneath' him. How can I possibly do anything here? If I kick him out it will only make things worse- I will pay more for child care, have no help with my child and my child will not see him enough. I have no idea where my husband would go.. But I'm getting so fed up. He is a good person but just seems like he won't face reality. I am so bitter because I feel like our life has gone to shit and there is nothing I can do about it. I'm stressed beyond belief and don't know what to do anymore. I can't live with a husband who never works or is always out of work- which is where I see my life going. I don't want tk break up our marriage but as time goes on I have less and less emotions and I can tell he feels the same . I've even thought to myself that if he cheated I really wouldn't care- how screwed up is that??

Anonymous wrote:OP Unfortunately this is a new trend in our society. The jobs that matter are often tailored to the skills women possess. There is a reason so many young men live in their mom's basements. They can't get the type of entry level jobs that propel them into a career that will help with a family's financial support.