Reply to Do you, the mother, tell your child when he/she has hurt your feelings?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother always told me when I hurt her feelings.  She was so important to me, as a child, that I became afraid to do anything that might hurt her.

By the time I was a teenager, I developed near-fatal anorexia as the only way to control my own life and emotions. (Shrinks told me it all centered around fear of hurting my mother and fear of growing up because of it).

Just my experience and I would NEVER do the same to my kids.  Ever.  [/quote]

Wow - in what contexts did she say it.  I mean, certainly it wasn't limited to "wow, when you told me my face looks ugly, larla, it hurts my feelings." but maybe more like "when you didn't give me a hug it hurts my feelings..."  I really don't see anything wrong with the first, but not the second.  So I am curious about what made it so difficult in your case.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this, and big hugs to you.  Bravo to recovering from your disease.[/quote]

PP here.  My mother would always make it about her -- not that what I was doing or had said was right or wrong but what her emotional reaction to it was.  She told me that she cried when I wanted to stay with my grandmother and not her when I was two.  She constantly told me that I embarrassed her or hurt her.

Thank you for your supportive comments.  However my issues with food will never be normal although I am very grateful to be alive.  [/quote]

Different PP, but me too. I also developed an eating disorder. It took years of therapy to get over my mother's vice grip on my emotional life.

I tell my children that they have been unkind but I never interject my own feelings.  I had no healthy model for doing that and I don't want to take the risk. I don't want them to feel that their day to day life is about managing my emotional needs, which is how I grew up.[/quote]

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