Reply to Ex-Wife Won't Stop Coming Into the House

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Ex-Wife Won't Stop Coming Into the House"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here = so if this wasn't the house that they used to live in with their mother, than it would be ok to enforce boundaries?  I don't know anyone else - including our immediate family that just comes by unannounced and hangs out.  Confused.  [/quote]

I'm the PP who asked above whether you had considered buying a new house together.  I absolutely support boundaries, and I am a stepmom and completely understand how unacceptable this is for you.  You have every right not to want your husband's ex-wife just hanging out in YOUR home when you are not there.  It is utterly rude that she does this, and it's really hard to believe that someone would choose to be so intrusive (and would also have no shame about it -- as someone who cheated on her husband and blew up her family, she's got something really wrong with her to think it's okay to just waltz back into that house as if she still owns it.

But look at it from the perspective of your husband's kids.  They grew up in this house with their mom.  She's a pushy, rude person who doesn't care about boundaries.  It's obviously not going to feel right to them to push back against their mother to tell her she needs to wait outside.  I imagine she walks all over them, too.  And there must be a tiny bit of them that feels kinda good when mom is back in the house, just a tiny taste of the way it used to be before their whole lives got turned upside down.  It is their home, too.  And while I am really, really glad that my stepdaughter also thinks it would be awkward to have her mom over to visit in her dad's new home with me, I would completely see where she was coming from if this was the only home she ever knew and it used to be her home with her mom, too.  Their mom is completely ignoring the normal boundaries that adults have, and it's not really realistic to think that the kids would be able to hold their mom to those boundaries.

It sounds like you have spoken to her, your husband has spoken to her, and she simply doesn't care.  She is going to do what she is going to do because walking all over people is what she does, and she thinks she has a right to be in your house whenever she wants because it is her kids' house and used to be her house with them and she thinks that gives her rights to come and go when she pleases.  So I think one step for your family is to step away from the family that they used to be by creating a new home together.   And by saying this, I'm not saying that it's the RIGHT thing to do -- the right thing would be for her to be a decent person who respects other people's space.  But you already know she's not a decent person.  Wouldn't you rather own a house that had never been hers?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics