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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 8 y/o was doing his homework last night at my desk and was mad at me because I asked him to help clean up his stuff after he finished because the cleaners come today (yay for cleaning day!). He was mad because he wanted to play with his new Nerf gun. This morning I found a note on my desk that read "look on back please" and on the other side "your stupid mommy" with a smiley face and laughing. I know he was just mad and frustrated, so I'm not too hurt, but I wonder if it's worth saying something or letting it go. I kinda feel like he ought to know how his actions affect other people and that what he did was mean spirited. But, I don't want to make too big a deal out of it. WWYD, DCUM?[/quote]

Honestly...I think he had a right to be mad. And he has the right to verbalize that feeling as well. He wrote it on a piece of paper because it bothered him enough and at the same time he was probably worried about saying it out loud so he did it from a safe distance to see what would happen. This is what I would do:

Talk to him. Take the note, show it to him and tell him it's not okay to call someone stupid. BUT. It is okay to tell someone "I am mad at you because you made me do chores after homework and I wanted to play with my new nerf gun." I think it's extremely important to teach children that they ARE in fact allowed to voice their feelings and thoughts - but teach them to do so in an appropriate manner. [/quote]

Another PP here.  I allow my kids the right to voice their feelings and thoughts - they are now teens.  I also teach them that the right to do so is not universal and it is not unconditional.  Homework and chores come before play.  Always have and always will and my kids are well aware of that.  So I would expect him to be mad, but I would also expect him to know that is a well established rule in our house.  So, in THAT SPECIFIC CASE, his being angry will not mean much.  We also taught them that too - that sometimes people will not care how you feel if they have told you to do something that you are supposed to do. [/quote]

[b]Ah the good old power we as adults are free to use any time and anywhere over our children. Beautiful. So why exactly is cleaning up for Mommy because Mommy has the cleaning lady come more important than playing with a new toy? Especially since the child had just completed one chore/task (homework) already? It would have been an absolute possibility to say "You finished your homework really well, so you can play with your new toy for 30 minutes now and THEN you clean up after that." Nobody can convince me right now that 30 minutes of playtime after just having finished his homework would have been impossible to do...nobody would have been angry. Nobody would have been pushed around. Child gets a break and reward of playing for doing well with homework - Mommy gets a clean room without any anger and the angry note would have never been written.[/quote][/b]

Are you serious?  No wonder kids are such little brats these days.  [/quote]

My kids are far from being brats. They are well respected members of our family. My husband and I are aware that children are human beings just like us and our needs do not trump the needs of our children. There is no reason why the cleaning needs to be done right after having just done homework and couldn't have been done 30 minutes later...no reason besides me as the Mom wanting to assert my power as the adult of course. A kid having just completed homework to me absolutely makes it okay for that child to request to be allowed to play for a little before doing the next chore. Just shows how different people value the own opinions and needs of their children, has nothing to do with children being brats...so judgmental.[/quote]

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