Reply to IF husband has borderline personality disorder- a death sentence for the marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]- signed, someone who left a BPD (who lost her shit for about oh 2 weeks, then hooked  the next guy).[/quote]

OP here- WOW this thread being bumped back up is SO timely. My husband has in the meantime been definitively diagnosed with BPD by his psychiatrist. I left him just before, when he had another and FINAL rage outburst, this time in front of our daughter, charging at me getting in my face AGAIN. And it was game over.

My reasons for wanting to know what I was dealing with diagnosis wise OR understanding wise was so I could have some idea if it was fixable. Interestingly, I have figured out that the meds he was on for depression cleared up some of his fog, but only revealed more deep underlying severe problems in relating to the world. The unstable sense of self is at the core. I could not tell for a while if he was "losing it" and could regain it or if he was simply cracking at the foundation that was not up to code in the first place.

Im not sure how pathologizing figures in here as a negative. He has pathological behaviors and there is no other way to acknowledge them except to do that. You are right, I did not need the diagnosis to know if I had enough, but I personally did need to know the diagnosis to know if there was any point in trying to reason with him. Again, the meds cleared his depression but revealed his very clear deliberate toxic choices.

Im on a support group now for spouses of BPD, and I agree with a previous poster that if its your KID, its another matter. I would go to the ends of the earth to try to help my kid if she had it. My husband I needed to cut loose to survive emotionally and now rescue my daughter from more damage than already has been done by his recent behavior towards her.

I still need to call that therapist and tell her she nailed it, eventhough she never definitively said that was the diagnosis, only that his behaviors and attitudes sounded like it.

Anyone dealing with BPD in a loved one, you might want to try this forum: http://outofthefog.net/[/quote]

I'm the person you quoted.

My reason for making a big deal about pathologizing your husband is that often people feel the need to erroneously paint people black in order to do what they want and know they need to do OR they use lack of a definitive diagnosis as an excuse to avoid doing the same.

My response was from your original post, but your husband, based on your follow-up comments, was pretty clearly abusive regardless of diagnosis.  That's reason enough to leave, particularly if there are children involved.  Good for you that you went ahead and did that.

BPD is a sneaky nightmare.   I was stunned at how much better I felt almost immediately after freeing myself of my fiance.  She managed to get pregnant by the next guy, very quickly, so he's on the hook. [/quote]

I feel so bad for the kid. :([/quote]

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