Reply to Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

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Reply to "Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My child was made to skip a beginning season event with similar season-long consequences on the line to attend an out-of-town wedding.  She was miserable until we got there and then joined in the fun with cousins, etc.  She ended up having an amazing season.  I know some coaches deliver on their promises regardless of the occasion, but in our case it didn't happen.  It really is a tough call to make as a parent.   I have a friend who is getting married (1st time) at 45 and she is dealing with a lot of this as well.  [b]It's disappointing to her because she's been to so many events for her nieces/nephews over the years (baptisms, 1st birthdays, etc.) which were important events to her siblings at the time and now they are explaining to her why their kids can't attend her wedding.[/b]  OP - don't let their decision get you down! You may find yourself in the reverse situation when your nephew graduates or gets married and this will make your decision much easier![/quote]

I got married at 40 a few years ago and had this exact thing happen.  My family is from the NY tri-state area and I have lived in VA for nearly 20 years, so no one in my extended family has ever been down here for something for me, but I have driven up for literally every bridal shower, wedding, baby shower, Christening, First Communion, and Confirmation in my family.  I have also gone up for numerous 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and milestone birthdays.  I had my bridal shower up there so that more folks from my family could come, and I sent out Save the Date notices a full 9 months before the wedding.

None of the children of my cousins in one branch of the family came to the wedding.  The excuse was that they were very busy with extracurricular activities that weekend.  Really, like I couldn't have been busy with lots of activities all the weekends that I came up for their events?  I was incredibly hurt and disappointed.  It's not just that I missed having them there for my own sake.  It's that their absence changed the whole tenor of the wedding weekend, from one that would have been a shared extended family experience that we all would have looked back on together many years from now, to just something that their parents attended.  We had lots of activities planned for kids that we ended up cancelling.

In the end, we had a lovely time, but it really wasn't what it could have been.  But my cousins showed me what their priorities are.  They always expect me to show up to make "family memories" together at their life events and their children's life events.  But they are teaching their children that "family memories" are made only at their convenience, and they have no responsibility to reciprocate.   
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