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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly if she does not see a problem there is nothing you can do.

I burned through so many jobs, friends and relationships that I finally had to admit it was me, not them.

Until she hits this rock bottom place and realizes she is the source of her problems, she will not change. I am sorry you are dealing with this. Chances are she, like I was, offer many good traits during the good times/highs that it can be hard to disentangle.

She, as I did, probably feeds off your emotional state and the emotions of others. You're going to have to cut off the source of her juice--your emotional engagement. Don't take the bait. BPDs don't mind at all when people get angry with them because it confirms their world view and fosters teir sense of righteous indignation.

What they can't handle is calm collected loving boundaries, mostly because they never had them before!!

GL[/quote]

OP here and I totally agree with this.  Once I learned how to not engage with the anger and instead remain calm and reiterate boundaries, my relationship with my sister, while still strained, got much better.  Another big thing is validating that you understand her feelings without playing into them.  But yes, if your wife doesn't want to change she won't.  My family has learned this lesson the hard way over and over again.  I feel your pain and I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I can't imagine having a spouse with this disorder, whom you can't distance yourself from when needed.  [/quote]

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