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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]SAHMs will get so offended if you tell them they don’t have a real job. But the second they don’t live up to their job duties, everyone rushes in to defend their laziness. Part of being a SAHM or Homemaker or whatever you want to call it is taking care of the bulk of the household responsibilities. That’s what you are home for…to take care of the kids and the house. If you cannot do this, then you are not living up to your end of the deal.

How would a SAHM feel if their husband found the job he has to be too stressful and too much work, so he’s going to switch to a job that has less benefit to the family? People would call him selfish and that he isn’t taking his family into consideration. It should be the same deal if a SAHM decides her husband needs to just deal with her inability to handle her responsibilities and nsists he accept the lowered standards.

Signed a former SAHM of 3 kids

(I work FT now, and this job is a break compared to running a household with kids. So I completely understand who much work, effort and thanklessness goes into being a SAHM…and the lack of sleep and the frustration of dealing with babies/toddlers ALL DAY LONG, with little adult interaction.)[/quote]

If you truly ever were a SAH (which I doubt given the tone and substance of your post), it is nearly impossible to keep a house clean with a preschooler and a toddler.  It's clean for about 15 minutes at a time before the kids pull everything out again.

In any case, cleanliness is not the real issue here.  OP seemingly has no idea or insight into why his wife made a major life decision, and is apparently "afraid" to ask out it.  Whether the wife has valid reasons to be a SAH or is doing a good job as a SAH is irrelevant, if things are truly as OP describes, this couple needs marriage counseling ASAP.[/quote]

Well you are mistaken. I just seem to have this weird belief that if you SAH with your kids, keeping your house clean is one of the things you should do, and your husband expecting that doesn't make him an asshole. My husband held up his part of the bargain in being the one to work all day and financially provide and not expecting me to do the same. So I held up my end and took care of things at home that enabled him to do that. My kids are 6, 8 and 14 now. When they were little, every time they pulled something out, we (I) put it away before moving onto the next thing. I didn't (and still do not) leave the house when it's messy. It's not rocket science. It's much easier to clean for 5-10 minutes multiple times throughout the day, then let the house turn into a cluster-fuck from not doing anything until dinner/bedtime.

OP seems to have a clear idea of why she did it and why she continues to do it. Like a PP said, totally bait and switch. What OP needs to figure out is he how is going to deal with this going forward, because he's going to just get increasingly more and more resentful. And the longer his wife stays out of the workforce, the harder it's going to be to get back in.[/quote]

Surely you are old enough to realize there are two sides to every story.  If OP is committed to making his marriage work and getting rid of his resentment, he needs to learn her side of the story.  [/quote]

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