Reply to What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?

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Reply to "What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"You're just like your mother"[/quote]

+1 [/quote]

+2.  My ex-wife said this to me (said I was just like my father) a couple of times.

I'm with the PP who wondered if some people really and truly never said anything hurtful or lashed out in an argument ever.  I'm dubious.  That said, I am re-married and nasty fighting is one of the top two or three things "I'll never do again".  I don't actually care if my wife gets that way with me.  Even if you forgive it, you can't un-ring a bell and that stuff does erode the respect and admiration you need to maintain a loving relationship.  I grew up in a household where nasty fighting was a multi-generational norm and I completely agree that people "accept" this because they do think it's normative.

My now wife and I had one really ugly fight the first couple of months after the wedding...it was settling in to "gee, we are really married (death do us part) now".  She was going off and having a real fit screaming at me (outdoors, in public, on a sidewalk).  It was awful.  I finally said "fuck you bitch".  That stopped it cold.  I said I wasn't going to have a screaming match, or at the very least, not on the sidewalk outside of Hamilton's at 1AM.  Ugh.  It was awful.  I felt like a complete turd the next day.

Those fights have stopped nearly altogether and we've kind of settled into it. So, I say "never again" but I screwed up.  I'm going to do my damndest not to screw up again.  Particularly not once children arrive.

The suggestions about Mindfulness in the "angry at my EX" thread are spot-on.  I did a big round, between relationships, of work-on-myself therapy, and the "trick" is to practice, practice, practice and carve a new groove in your brain/habits/reflexes.  [/quote]

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