Reply to What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really hate yo say this, but I read every post on this thread hoping to find a meaner husband than mine, and I haven't. My husband has said so many mean & hurtful things to me in the decade we have been married and it has changed me as a person. I won't get into it all, because he most likely tracks everything I do on the internet, but it's pretty bad. I was hoping to read this and feel some comfort, like well at least he's not the meanest, but I think I'm wrong...  :cry: [/quote]

If he's so abusive, you need to leave him, OP. Do what you need to do to prepare your finances, etc. and then GO.

I've been in your shoes. In the past I've posted about the childhood abuse I experienced on DCUM. It was a shock to read other posters' horrified responses. I was surprised to realize how extreme the abuse was in comparison with others' experiences. This kind of feedback provides perspective. Use that perspective to go, OP. [/quote]

I am disabled and am staying basically because I do not trust my husband with my kids.  We knew each other ten years before we married, and I was the one who had issues and he got me over them. But we had not confronted this kind of overwhelming hardship, and he has just absolutely snapped.  He says stuff in front of my kids that you would not believe - including calling me a cunt and a self entitled bitch etc, and destroying my credibility to do anything with my kids.

Why do I stay?  I am afraid for my kids, especially my youngest.  Will I leave as soon as I think I can?  Yes.  He did not give me a tenth or a fifteenth wedding anniversary present because he said that our marriage was not one to celebrate.  He will not go to counseling because he says our marriage is irretrievably broken.  He told me in 2007 that our marriage could not continue unless I learned to be an obedient wife - that came out of nowhere but his insanity.  I feel sorry for him because I think he is crazy and he does not understand that while his kids are dependent on him in so many ways that is not love and they will never come back.

I hope ultimately that my kids will respect and love me for leaving him, but know there are no guarantees.  All I know is that every hope I have had in the last 7 years that we could somehow get through this has been dashed.  He has said terrible things to me that he can never take back and I can never trust him again.  Yet whenever it seems like there is hope that the teenager I first loved might return I latch on to it.  I forget that he constantly lies.  I have not stooped to that level with my kids.  I do not criticize him to them but apparently he goes on tirades at least to my older kids.  Perhaps because I think I am stuck for at least another two years because of the ages of my children.  But having recently returned home to the old dynamic it is almost unbearable............ It is very easy to say get out or you knew what you were getting into, but a) I did not marry the person he is now, although there were warning signs I guess I should have seen, not coming from an intact family being one of them but he never called me names or mistreated me in any way and b) I am disabled and will bankrupt myself if I try to get 50/50 custody of my kids.  But even saying all that, my children are the lights of my life and the only reason I am still alive under these circumstances............. And I am still alive and that means I have the potential to change my circumstances when I am confident my children are safe.  That is really all I care about.  My life can wait.... but not for too much longer lest I lose my sanity (fortunately all attempts he has made to convince me that I am crazy have failed........).  But yes, there are people out there who are treated much worse, sent to their rooms in front of their kids, called worthless pieces of shit in front of their kids, subject to physical as well as emotional abuse, and put themselves in harm's way to protect their kids.............. who cannot drive and are not financially independent but feel trapped mostly.... because of their kids.......... fact is, you are being a negligent parent by staying in an abusive situation so it all comes out in the wash anyway - there are no winners here when a husband goes crazy and feels free to verbally abuse his wife in front of their children, only losers and little hostages........... I am not looking for advice.  I am just telling the pp that she is not alone.

My parents NEVER did this.... will my kids end up in abusive relationships? my girl? probably.... I am too old to start another family plus disabled plus feel worthless most of the time so the odds of me getting out and finding a healthy relationship where someone is willing to take me on are slim to none I think............ and I never thought I would end up alone.

I was so in love and we joked that we had already been married and divorced (we broke up looking for greener pastures) and he was so kind and treated me so well........... so even in the best situations, things can go really wrong.

Or maybe he has just become a manic depressive.  It kind of does not matter anymore.  I cannot save him.  I cannot save my kids.  I can only ultimately save myself and hopefully be there for them if they are willing to have me...............

He has said they would be better off if I were dead.  He has urged me to commit suicide.  He has told me he does not love me and never will again.  He constantly says I am a terrible mother and will not leave me alone even if I go to my room if he wants to scream at me.

If there are no kids and no 50/50 or worse custody issues where they might be in physical danger unless you are there to put your body in front of theirs, get out................ you are not alone.  Try a safe place or our safe place cannot remember the name he monitors my internet postings too and will undoubtedly see this... but why I should care anymore I do not know....... this place is anonymous for a reason, and having just returned from a great vacation back to the old dynamic I am in hell yet again.............[/quote]

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