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[quote=Anonymous]Now this situation is sounding strange.  It appears from OPs update that BIL isn't being upfront with OP about exactly what he needs.  I am inclined to think he is having money troubles and he needs OPs help to watch the kids because he cannot afford to pay someone or pay cash for the flight, hence the miles.  I would forget about the vacation and SILs family and whether she paid for her family, etc.  I would focus on the child career dilmmea.

I would be more willing to help if someone was 100% straightforward.  Many people find themselves in a bind, financially and childcare wise.  Also, perhaps he needs to go to the conference for work appearances or client development.

I would suggest saying, hey brother, I need to know exactly what you want because I have to rearrange my schedule. I need to know exactly what is going on, no back and forth with wife or he said she said, just be straight forward with me so we can hopefully figure something out.  Do you need free childcare? Do you need me to do all the work (as in no nanny whatsoever). I cannot afford to buy my own tickets right now. I will need a ticket for me and my son.  I cannot afford to pay for all incidentals for everyone during my time there, such as food, etc for 4 people.

My sisters gave me the run around once, trying to tip toe about needing coverage for her son.  She tried to disguise it as a "come visit us" trip, but I couldn't get definite details.  She wanted me to pack my two kids and dog and drive a few hours to her house to watch her son for 5 days.  She even said "well you SAH so can't you just do whatever you want?"  Finally I just told her, what exactly is going on here?  She finally admitted she wanted to take a short trip with her husband because they were having some marital issues and she was hoping going without the baby would bring back some sparks.  I can understand that, needing some child free time.  If she had just been honest from the get go we would have saved so much bickering.  I should have pushed her earlier to do so too.  I ended up having her drive the baby up here to DC and I watched her in my house.  Was it convenient, no, enjoyable, somewhat but she doesn't STTN so it definitely wasn't relaxing, but family needed help so I did my best to work it out.

Good luck[/quote]

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