Reply to When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Husband here in very similar position to OP, but not considering cheating.

Part of the problem is the negative results of brinksmanship.  I don't want to threaten my wife with divorce (or an affair) to convince her to have sex with me any more than I want to threaten her with violence.  So I tell her I want more sex, but I leave out the "or else."

Not to rain too much on a parade, but when I see suggestions like in the prior post to have date nights and romance her, I think they're just very naïve.  I wouldn't be venting here if I hadn't tried those things.

And wives in this position who just wish their husbands would romance and try to seduce them, think back to how you got in this dynamic.  I spent many nights over many years trying to romance and seduce my wife only to get rejected.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Reject me 1,000 times and don't turn around and expect me to try time number 1,001.  You need to initiate a lot of sex first, then only after that, tell me you want to be seduced.  And then fuck me every single time I seduce you.  No excuses.  Then, and only then, I will start putting in that effort again.  Until then, you've beaten me down and you have to live with the consequences.  Don't blame me.  Sorry for the vent.

/s/ good dad, sensitive and kind husband, who lives in a sexless marriage with his best friend.[/quote]

I feel for you.  I went through this, exactly.  You sound like a good man as does OP so here is some advice that has worked for me.

I had the talk with DW, told her I was deeply unhappy.  I didn't threaten divorce but I did tell her that I the lack of sex made me question whether our marriage would survive or that if it did, I would need to have some other sexual outlet.  She was floored, she cried, we fought, it escalated, but when the emotions calmed down, she told me that she would much rather I just fuck her whether she was in the mood or not.  She really wanted me to, not because she wanted to get fucked, but she would rather endure a fuck than endure a divorce.

I was hesitant.  It wasn't ideal, it did feel sort of rapey.  But I took her at her word and in a perverse (no pun intended) way, I thought I owed it to her to try her suggestion rather than be miserable and/or cheat and divorce.

So it's been about a year, and I will tell you things are better.  We have way more sex, which puts me in a better mood, more romantic and has me happily contribute more around the house which puts her in a mood more often.  And once we start, usually she will get into it, and if she isn't, I try to finish quickly.

It's not ideal but we are in a better spot.  Bottom line, you need to have sex with your spouse.  See if she would be willing to humor you and see if that starts a better spiral.  What do you have to lose?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics