Reply to Serve spouse with divorce papers or ask for open marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, this is exactly what happened to my first marriage. And no, I didn't bother with the request/option of an open marriage before asking for the divorce.  After fifteen years of passive-aggressive (outwardly saying yes, but really meaning no, and never doing anything about it) resistance to all my attempts at and requests for a better sex life, I recognized there was no point in wasting even more time going through yet another round of BS.

She was pretty clear from the get go of our relationship that 100% emotional and physical monogamy was the only thing she wanted.  If she had been coerced - under the threat of divorce - to have an "open marriage" it would have been in word only, and would have opened a whole new level of passive aggressive BS designed to make me so miserable that living sexless would be preferable.  In all fairness: living that way would have probably involved living in constant shame and misery for her as well - a kind of in-your-face "you're inadequate" message.  I wanted a sex life, not to torture my wife or myself.

For me the issue was easier because kids weren't in it, but don't let the BS "for the children" crowd cow/guilt you into staying in a miserable situation.  Living a crippled, cramped and unhappy life is not doing your kids any favors...it's teaching them that this is what marriage is...missing romantic love, living as roomates where you are merely tolerating each other.  You are not doing your kids any favors.  You can put them first as well as yourself.  [/quote]

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