Reply to Husband e-mails Wife spreadsheet of Wife's excuses not to have sex

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Husband e-mails Wife spreadsheet of Wife's excuses not to have sex"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It wasn't his last option but we can see even from the spreadsheet that he was trying to communicate. Every time he attempted to initiate sex with her, that was communicating that he desired her and desired sex with her. Those were honest communications.

She responded by saying that she didn't desire him and didn't desire sex with him because she didn't feel good or felt tired or felt like watching TV more than having sex with him or felt like not showering more than having sex with him. Those are often disingenuous communications from her, mostly rejecting him.

So they were communicating; just not in a healthy manner. [/quote]

That's not the communication I'm talking about at all. I think it would be interesting to know what other conversations they had about these issues. I think it would be interesting to hear her perspective on why she said no so many times. I posted above that I was the denying spouse. We did talk about it. We talked about it a lot. It took a long time for me to really get right with the idea that it was a pattern, rather than a series of unrelated events that made me not feel sexy. It was weight gain. It was post-pregnancy sensation weirdness. It was exhaustion from being up multiple times in the night. It not feeling supported in a couple of career things. It was feeling resentful of his leisure activities and carefully guarding the few that I had left (reading, watching TV, etc.). All those things, when taken together, formed a pattern of overall disinterest in our sex life that was very hurtful to my husband. If he had petulantly sent me a spreadsheet listing the times I said no and the reasons I said no, I would have felt more resentful and unsupported and unsexy. I would not have felt inclined to communicate better about our situation. In the end what woke me up was my husband sadly listing the many things that he was doing privately to "try to make me want him again". [/quote]

I feel bad for your poor ex.  Reading this is tiring and depressing.  You had all these issues, and yet you make it seem as though it was inevitable and even found a way to shift the blame to him ("feeling not supported in a couple of career things").  If you felt fat, you probably were, and should have taken steps to improve yourself and your overall self image.  His desire for intimacy showed he still cared about you and wanted to have a normal sex life.  You responded by using sex as a weapon to beat him up because in your mind he had leisure activities.  How sad for him, and your children who are now in a broken home.  You let him and your family down.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics