Reply to What's the best quality in a husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]BTW, I posted the above on kindness.   I feel that in many ways I married the wrong guy particularly on this point.  It's more that he completely lacks empathy in pretty much any situation, is flummoxed by emotions (mine, the kids, in a movie), and has a hard time connecting on that level.   He also is pretty self minded (I can't get up with the crying baby even though you haven't slept in months as I have to go to work), you get the picture.

I saw it before we married, so shame on me.   I am very sensitive, probably overly so, very empathetic so it is a hard match sometimes, but we try to approach it as learning from each other.   I love many things about him, but this has been a hard area for us.   [/quote]

+1,000

I could have written this post.

My DH has never cheated, is a good financial provider, is good looking and great in bed. But he's an asshole. He's just not kind and I don't think he even has the capacity to be or knows what it means to be kind. He's just not nice. Like PP's DH, he doesn't even comprehend kindness in others. I saw glimpses of it before marriage, but it's gotten so much worse.

I would trade everything I have to be with a kind man. [/quote]

I kind of have a different experience.  I married a very kind man 12 years ago.  We just got divorced a few months ago.  He was extremely kind and gentle , however, he was unable to hold a job throughout our marriage (and while we were dating. . .I know this was a red flag).  We moved constantly because he was unstable.  We could never afford a house because he could not keep a job.  Yes,  he was kind but he could not deal with authority.  I lost so much respect for him.  We tried couples counseling for awhile but ultimately we got divorced.  I would love to be with someone who was a good financial provider (I have a full time job FYI) and provided stability for myself and our children.  [/quote]

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