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[quote=Anonymous][quote]
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Once one understands BPD, one realizes just how needy these people are. They are not consciously manipulating people like narcissists and sociopaths. Yes, they lie, but do so to protect themselves, not to hurt others like the other personality disorders do. Their state is quite pitiful and well summed up by the title of the book: "I Hate You, Please Don't Leave Me." A statement like this would not be made by a narcissist or sociopath.

[b]Many of them do go into therapy, but drive their therapists to the edge because they call them incessantly with all their insecurities and suicidal inclinations. In DBT the therapists for a BPD person must be available for them 24/7. This is hard work.

Being the partner of a BPD person can be very difficult, and I agree that in many cases the best course is to just leave because the drama and upheaval can be overwhelming. That said, there are ways one can learn to manage the BPD behavior to avoid eliciting the extreme reactions. They need a lot of validation, and that can be exhausting. Parents have no choice but to do this with their BPD children, but partners are more than forgiven for just opting out.[/b] [/quote]

It is a very complex disorder with a high suicide rate -- many therapists will not take them as patients. This is why when someone is mean or manipulative, just throwing out "BPD!!" is so inaccurate. It is a total fracture of the personality from a young age, usually from abuser, but always from a trauma. Without this, you do not have BPD. The person has suffered such a trauma to the personality that they are unable to be truly intimate or trust others, although they would like to. And topping it off is the simple logic of abused become abusers (not everyone). They are adults now -- they can hurt like they have been hurt. Be cruel as they have been treated cruelly. Selfish as they have been treated selfishly. It is the emotional version of being in a wheelchair -- think of asking that person to jump up and walk -- not happening. Emotionally, they are crippled, usually permanently. As for forgiving them their hurtful behavior -- difficult b/c they have no real restraints on their hurtful behavior -- no one held back for them, they will not hold back for anyone. It is a syndrome with a low success rate, and a person with a more normal personality or psyche will not be very happy in a relationship with this kind of person. As I said, complex and usually incurable. 
-- Psych nurse.

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