Reply to DD doesn't want to be in family portrait

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[quote=Anonymous]A lot of people are calling troll on OP, but I think it is actually more a function of how she described her situation, not that it is untrue.

OP may come off as exaggerating, but I personally doubt it is a complete fabrication. we have two daughters, and I am getting worried about how to deal with a more minor version of this. our older is pixie-ish and cute, but the youngest is a knockout. And everyone comments on it. I've seen the hurt on my older daughter's face as anyone from the checkout lady to her grandfather melt over her younger sister... the GAZE. they just drink her in. They can't help it, but they usually add something to the end to acknowledge the eldest saying, "oh and you too dear." She has started to act out more, as a means to get more attention and compete that way. No bueno. The youngest is quite young, but I also guess she has some idea of the power of her beauty, and I worry where that sense will lead her as well.

I know looks will change, especially as they are quite young, and this exact situation may go away with time, but does anyone have any ideas about how to address this in the home? to change the emphasis from looks? we talk a lot about inner beauty and taking care of each other. would to try to prevent self esteem issues both ways ( the youngest from feeling like her worth is based on how people perceive her exterior, and the older from feeling like she is worth less because she gets less compliments).

it is insane how frequently people comment on children's looks. I never realized how much of an issue it was until I started to see this dynamic emerge in my own life. Not trying to hijack the thread, but I totally think this is a real post.

OP, while I don't really know, I would try spending a lot of time with your daughter and allowing her talents to shine. find ways to create a strong place for her in the family, and avoid situations that are all about looks, like the photos. your extended family won't die without a photo of everyone together if it hurts your daughter that badly. don't let her become the felt-sorry for victim, whatever you do though. [/quote]

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