Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your answers. DH and I talked about this all weekend. Although it's not happening weekly, over the years yes, people have made comments to other adults right in front of me and in front of DD about her looks. Yes, people have fawned over my other two kids right in front of DD. Other kids have absolutely excluded DD and their parents have just shrugged at me like "Kids. What are you going to do? So fickle!"

DD does have various interests that we help her pursue and we do focus a lot on personality rather than looks in our family. DH and I HAVE spoken strongly with MIL about her comments regarding DD's looks. It's basically a yearly argument.

We spoke with our other two kids and told them we want for our entire immediate family to skip the portrait this summer and why. I am embarrassed to not have thought of this myself - thank you for the idea - when we told DD she was very happy. So happy in fact that she asked if she can still be part of the "cousins picture" that's informally taken on a staircase with all the kids.

Regarding the plastic surgery, DD is beautiful and adorable to us, absolutely. But we can also recognize that she isn't those things to others, and that DD picks up on that. She started asking several years ago, when she first found out what plastic surgery was, if she could get it. We've told her we'll discuss it when she is finished growing, but DH and I have already agreed privately the answer is yes. I won't apologize for this - if we can do something so others can see her the way we do then we will.

You really shouldn't decide to give your daughter plastic surgery while she's still a child. I had a big nose as a child and my cheek bones weren't high. But I grew into my nose. It's a very straight Greek nose and I even had a boyfriend comment that it looks perfectly symmetrical like it belongs on a Greek statue and it's the perfect nose. My mother had a trumpet nose (the kind Hollywood actresses have) and as an adult I don't think I would be any more beautiful with that kind of nose. I still don't have high cheek bones, but I found a haircut that accentuates the line of my cheeks and gives me a longer neck.
If my parents had offered to pay for plastic surgery I would have taken them up on the offer. I'm glad I didn't. I look more beautiful at age 32 than when I was 16.

Thank you for your perspective. Unfortunately her nose is not the only issue. But this is exactly why we are saying no to her now, while she's still growing. Nothing is set in stone here. I am glad you have peace with your looks.

I don't think you understand my post. It's not that I have "peace with my looks", it's that I think I actually look good. Sure, not all guys would pursue me, but you would be surprised at the number of men who are not attracted by conventional Hollywood beauty standards.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your answers. DH and I talked about this all weekend. Although it's not happening weekly, over the years yes, people have made comments to other adults right in front of me and in front of DD about her looks. Yes, people have fawned over my other two kids right in front of DD. Other kids have absolutely excluded DD and their parents have just shrugged at me like "Kids. What are you going to do? So fickle!"

DD does have various interests that we help her pursue and we do focus a lot on personality rather than looks in our family. DH and I HAVE spoken strongly with MIL about her comments regarding DD's looks. It's basically a yearly argument.

We spoke with our other two kids and told them we want for our entire immediate family to skip the portrait this summer and why. I am embarrassed to not have thought of this myself - thank you for the idea - when we told DD she was very happy. So happy in fact that she asked if she can still be part of the "cousins picture" that's informally taken on a staircase with all the kids.

Regarding the plastic surgery, DD is beautiful and adorable to us, absolutely. But we can also recognize that she isn't those things to others, and that DD picks up on that. She started asking several years ago, when she first found out what plastic surgery was, if she could get it. We've told her we'll discuss it when she is finished growing, but DH and I have already agreed privately the answer is yes. I won't apologize for this - if we can do something so others can see her the way we do then we will.

You really shouldn't decide to give your daughter plastic surgery while she's still a child. I had a big nose as a child and my cheek bones weren't high. But I grew into my nose. It's a very straight Greek nose and I even had a boyfriend comment that it looks perfectly symmetrical like it belongs on a Greek statue and it's the perfect nose. My mother had a trumpet nose (the kind Hollywood actresses have) and as an adult I don't think I would be any more beautiful with that kind of nose. I still don't have high cheek bones, but I found a haircut that accentuates the line of my cheeks and gives me a longer neck.
If my parents had offered to pay for plastic surgery I would have taken them up on the offer. I'm glad I didn't. I look more beautiful at age 32 than when I was 16.

Thank you for your perspective. Unfortunately her nose is not the only issue. But this is exactly why we are saying no to her now, while she's still growing. Nothing is set in stone here. I am glad you have peace with your looks.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your answers. DH and I talked about this all weekend. Although it's not happening weekly, over the years yes, people have made comments to other adults right in front of me and in front of DD about her looks. Yes, people have fawned over my other two kids right in front of DD. Other kids have absolutely excluded DD and their parents have just shrugged at me like "Kids. What are you going to do? So fickle!"

DD does have various interests that we help her pursue and we do focus a lot on personality rather than looks in our family. DH and I HAVE spoken strongly with MIL about her comments regarding DD's looks. It's basically a yearly argument.

We spoke with our other two kids and told them we want for our entire immediate family to skip the portrait this summer and why. I am embarrassed to not have thought of this myself - thank you for the idea - when we told DD she was very happy. So happy in fact that she asked if she can still be part of the "cousins picture" that's informally taken on a staircase with all the kids.

Regarding the plastic surgery, DD is beautiful and adorable to us, absolutely. But we can also recognize that she isn't those things to others, and that DD picks up on that. She started asking several years ago, when she first found out what plastic surgery was, if she could get it. We've told her we'll discuss it when she is finished growing, but DH and I have already agreed privately the answer is yes. I won't apologize for this - if we can do something so others can see her the way we do then we will.

You really shouldn't decide to give your daughter plastic surgery while she's still a child. I had a big nose as a child and my cheek bones weren't high. But I grew into my nose. It's a very straight Greek nose and I even had a boyfriend comment that it looks perfectly symmetrical like it belongs on a Greek statue and it's the perfect nose. My mother had a trumpet nose (the kind Hollywood actresses have) and as an adult I don't think I would be any more beautiful with that kind of nose. I still don't have high cheek bones, but I found a haircut that accentuates the line of my cheeks and gives me a longer neck.
If my parents had offered to pay for plastic surgery I would have taken them up on the offer. I'm glad I didn't. I look more beautiful at age 32 than when I was 16.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which surgeries are you thinking of having done?

DH, DD, and a doctor will deal with that when the time comes, years from now.

So you just generally know that you want to butcher up her face but don't even have a specific area to address? It would be one thing if you wanted to do a nose job or ear pinning, but this just sounds like you have this idea that any/all surgery will be better than what she looks like now.

I hope she runs away from home. You are a terrible mother.

No, we have ideas based on what she's complained about and what we think, but the truth is I don't feel like listing it out for somewhat hostile internet strangers.

Well I wasn't hostile until you started sounding like a troll. I was with you until now but I think it's pretty obvious why your daughter feels ugly.

Anonymous wrote:Did you drink heavily when you were pregnant with her? That makes some hideous children.

LOL! No, I drank in the last week of my pregnancy with my oldest, and not at all through the two pregnancies of my youngest kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which surgeries are you thinking of having done?

DH, DD, and a doctor will deal with that when the time comes, years from now.

So you just generally know that you want to butcher up her face but don't even have a specific area to address? It would be one thing if you wanted to do a nose job or ear pinning, but this just sounds like you have this idea that any/all surgery will be better than what she looks like now.

I hope she runs away from home. You are a terrible mother.

No, we have ideas based on what she's complained about and what we think, but the truth is I don't feel like listing it out for somewhat hostile internet strangers.

Did you drink heavily when you were pregnant with her? That makes some hideous children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which surgeries are you thinking of having done?

DH, DD, and a doctor will deal with that when the time comes, years from now.

So you just generally know that you want to butcher up her face but don't even have a specific area to address? It would be one thing if you wanted to do a nose job or ear pinning, but this just sounds like you have this idea that any/all surgery will be better than what she looks like now.

I hope she runs away from home. You are a terrible mother.

Anonymous wrote:Which surgeries are you thinking of having done?

DH, DD, and a doctor will deal with that when the time comes, years from now.

The fact that the OP doesn't even address the "troll" comments means it is a troll

Which surgeries are you thinking of having done?

OP here. Thank you all for your answers. DH and I talked about this all weekend. Although it's not happening weekly, over the years yes, people have made comments to other adults right in front of me and in front of DD about her looks. Yes, people have fawned over my other two kids right in front of DD. Other kids have absolutely excluded DD and their parents have just shrugged at me like "Kids. What are you going to do? So fickle!"

DD does have various interests that we help her pursue and we do focus a lot on personality rather than looks in our family. DH and I HAVE spoken strongly with MIL about her comments regarding DD's looks. It's basically a yearly argument.

We spoke with our other two kids and told them we want for our entire immediate family to skip the portrait this summer and why. I am embarrassed to not have thought of this myself - thank you for the idea - when we told DD she was very happy. So happy in fact that she asked if she can still be part of the "cousins picture" that's informally taken on a staircase with all the kids.

Regarding the plastic surgery, DD is beautiful and adorable to us, absolutely. But we can also recognize that she isn't those things to others, and that DD picks up on that. She started asking several years ago, when she first found out what plastic surgery was, if she could get it. We've told her we'll discuss it when she is finished growing, but DH and I have already agreed privately the answer is yes. I won't apologize for this - if we can do something so others can see her the way we do then we will.

A lot of people are calling troll on OP, but I think it is actually more a function of how she described her situation, not that it is untrue.

OP may come off as exaggerating, but I personally doubt it is a complete fabrication. we have two daughters, and I am getting worried about how to deal with a more minor version of this. our older is pixie-ish and cute, but the youngest is a knockout. And everyone comments on it. I've seen the hurt on my older daughter's face as anyone from the checkout lady to her grandfather melt over her younger sister... the GAZE. they just drink her in. They can't help it, but they usually add something to the end to acknowledge the eldest saying, "oh and you too dear." She has started to act out more, as a means to get more attention and compete that way. No bueno. The youngest is quite young, but I also guess she has some idea of the power of her beauty, and I worry where that sense will lead her as well.

I know looks will change, especially as they are quite young, and this exact situation may go away with time, but does anyone have any ideas about how to address this in the home? to change the emphasis from looks? we talk a lot about inner beauty and taking care of each other. would to try to prevent self esteem issues both ways ( the youngest from feeling like her worth is based on how people perceive her exterior, and the older from feeling like she is worth less because she gets less compliments).

it is insane how frequently people comment on children's looks. I never realized how much of an issue it was until I started to see this dynamic emerge in my own life. Not trying to hijack the thread, but I totally think this is a real post.

OP, while I don't really know, I would try spending a lot of time with your daughter and allowing her talents to shine. find ways to create a strong place for her in the family, and avoid situations that are all about looks, like the photos. your extended family won't die without a photo of everyone together if it hurts your daughter that badly. don't let her become the felt-sorry for victim, whatever you do though.

Anonymous wrote:Unless your daughter grew up looking like Gimli the dwarf rom the Hobbit movies, beard included, there is no way that your neighbors, classmates parents, etc are acting that way.

MIL I might buy it.

Your behavior? Maybe. There are some very vain moms out there who put a lot of emphasis on looks.

But what you are saying about all the other people, friends and strangers alike? No way.

Just had a great chuckle, thanks, PP!
And I agree with you, that is one if the details that gives OP away as a troll.

Anonymous wrote:Trollicious. Valiant effort.

+1 very creative!