Reply to Has Anyone Else Decided To Have Just One Child?

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Reply to "Has Anyone Else Decided To Have Just One Child?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was at lunch this week with coworkers.  Our friend of ours has an only grown daughter who has breast cancer.  One of my coworkers actually said that it's too bad our friend has one child because if the child dies she will have no children.  If you have two at least you'd have one left.  I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. 
BTW. I have an only also. [/quote]

What a terrible thing to say![/quote]

I don't know if it's so terrible. As a parent of an only, it's something I think about. Nobody wants to lose a child, but if something were to happen to mine, I'd no longer be a mother. It's a fact that if you have two kids, and one passes away, you'd still be a parent. Being a parent is my one and only important thing right now, so having that taken away would be devastating in a different way to losing one of two children. Please don't jump on me as I'm in no way saying it's not devastating to lose a child no matter how many you have. That is a given. But, depending on how it was said, I don't think it's the worst thing to discuss. Now, believe me, I know some tactless people who would barf out those words with ignorance or actual malicious intent. But if the coworker was trying to be a caring shoulder to cry on, maybe that's ok. [/quote]

even when you lose a child - you are always a mother what an ignorant thing to say. [/quote]

Ignorant? Just realistic.[b] You can sugar-coat it all you want, but the fact is when a mom loses her only child, she no longer lives the role of a mother[/b]. Please know, I'd never say that to anybody in such a terrible situation, but I'm also not sure pretending it isn't something a mom would grieve over is the right thing either. If a mother expressed such thoughts to me, I certainly wouldn't say it was an ignorant thought. [/quote]

Your "realism" is absurd - and ignorant.  Hopefully you'll keep these thoughts to yourself.  A mother is always a mother, even if she loses a child. You aren't less of a mother when your child goes off to college or gets married and moves away.  If your child dies you may not be actively mothering, but you certainly are a mom.  [/quote]

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