Reply to Don't eat that

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Don't eat that "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks to all the folks that left thoughtful replies. I did learn some valuable insights. First, there is a subset of Mom's that believe that they should sacrifice so that their children come first. I don't want to come off as an uncaring father, but I was raised, and believe in the value of the children being part of the family, and that their needs should be relegated to the greater needs of the family. I find that is not the case today. It is helpful to read in DCUM that my wife's view is shared by other DWs on DCUM.

I suspect that a large portion of my wife's anger stems from her wanting to provide for the children and that my taking on risk to grow a business is viewed as selfish. That I should not chase my dreams so that I can provide for the family; perhaps I am selfish. And not to be a romantic I am not providing a better example of believing in myself and working hard on my own endeavors, rather than being the company man waiting to get shot at 55 - what the heck type example is that ? So, I think part of the  issue is the difference between male and female optics.  Well truth be told, we cannot guarantee that our children will live stress free lives - there will be the ups and downs that are part of life. So, my view is to teach them fortitude, and I suspect my wife would like to be able to provide a very fortunate upbringing.

I think when women go through menopause they change; since they were little girls playing with dolls all they wanted was babies. I believe during and after menopause that changes; natures way of telling them that they can no longer bear children. I think this affects their view, and bluntly, their need for men. I am actually starting to wonder if the typical male mid life crisis is not precipitated by his spouse's menopause. The DW can howl, but I know from experience my wife was never as sexual as she was in her mid forties. I believe that was mother nature at play - pushing the species to procreate. After menopause no sexual desire. So, what does the DH do ? So, when you do not have sex for years, is it so strange that the DH starts looking, and in some cases, chasing younger women ? Or trying to recreate the opportunities of his youth as he comes home to a sexless, logistics based marriage ? Can you really blame him ?

[b]When I was younger I didn't marry for passion because I feared that would ebb; I married for respect, shared values, and someone that I thought would be a good mother. The girl the family approved of; I think the mistake was that perhaps I should not have been so logical.[/b] An intense love may have helped weather the storm. A marriage shouldn't simply be a business deal. Starting to think to alot of DWs it is...snag me a rich guy so I can live in a beautiful house and baby my babies. Not all women, but I'd say a bulk of the women driving the black SUVs in the affluent towns across the country. And that's why they work so hard to look good in the yoga pants - not that he is going to get any.

Thanks again for all the replies.[/quote]

You are quite the throwback.  My DH married ME for my earning potential. I totally agree as someone who is risk averse that your wife may be very stressed with your business.[/quote]

You are wrong. You can marry for passion (love) as well as respect, shared values as well as someone who would be a good parent. I did. (Although, I didn't know whether or not my DH would be a good parent. While we were dating, he said he wanted kids. After we got married, he said he didn't care if we had kids or not. Then I got pregnant. Turns out, he's a great father. He was unsure of himself because he had never been around kids. But he is far more patient with our DC than I ever expected him to be.

You made some errors by not marrying for love as well. So why do you now blame your wife for not having any passion when you didn't to begin with?

Taking a risk so late in life would upset any risk averse people. Perhaps you should have come to this decision as a couple rather than you deciding that you wanted to do this. Perhaps I am mistaken, but I believe I read that you made the decision yourself. That's a big no no when it comes to marriage. Any big decisions need to be made jointly. Discuss your fears and hopes and then come to a LOGICAL decision. Your business (the way you address it) sounds like a fantasy. You may succeed but chances are you will fail (most businesses do). I hope you do succeed, but it takes hard work and a committed relationship to do so.

You owe your wife an apology for being an ass. But you both need to go to counseling to work on your marriage. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics