Reply to When you got married, how much did you really think about marrying into your spouse's family?

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Reply to "When you got married, how much did you really think about marrying into your spouse's family? "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I totally disagree with this.  My sister and I are extremely different people, and yet we came from the same family.  We also have different levels of interaction with our family.  I don't think you should ever hold it against someone what his or her family is like.[/quote]

I'm the PP you quoted and I don't disagree with you - but I also don't think anything I said is really in conflict with what you've said.  I don't hold a bad FOO against a partner necessarily, nor does a good FOO mean your partner will be great.  However, people who grow up (and I include myself in this group, BTW) in a "broken dynamic" tend to learn that brokenness as "normal" and often repeat the patterns to a greater or lesser degree.  Some of us (I also like to think of myself as part of this group) recognize and seek to overcome or break the pattern - maybe we're "resilient" or whatever.  There is no absolute destiny in what I was saying - just an observation that one should be mindful and watchful going in.  FWIW, I have a sister who is trapped in the bad dynamic and while I am periodically horrified to note the similarities between us, we really are very different people.

I 1000% agree with your assertion that it's a partnership - you leave your old primary family and make a new primary family - you cleave to your spouse in biblical parlance (I'm not religious, but it's a tidbit of wisdom that nails it).  I think spouses have a duty to "run interference" with their respective families as well - you never let your family bully your spouse, you get in between them, and present a unified front.  [/quote]

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